The Healing Nest

The Healing Nest Has Moved!

2010-09-02T11:41:00.000-07:00

Nest Becoming, mixed media, 8" x 9"

I've been busy in WordPress Land getting my new website and blog ready for public viewing. I'm still working on the nooks and crannies, but I am happy to announce that The Healing Nest (complete with all the posts from this blog) have been moved over to WordPress here: http://healingnest.wordpress.com.

I'd love to see you at the new site, and I look forward to adding more of your website and blog links to the new site.

The cawing crow heralds a time for change! Follow me, will you?

peace,
Courtney

What's Hiding Under Your Bed?

2010-07-10T12:54:00.000-07:00

Saving the Sun, mixed media painting on foam core, 4' x 5'

My partner and I bought a new bed frame this weekend (impetus: so I can store my mini trampoline under it!) and discovered this old art piece sandwiched between the box spring and mattress when we disassembled the bed.

When I found this piece, I had that feeling you get when you find money in an old birthday card, or when you find that one sock that has been missing its pair.

I created this painting in 2007 in honor of the one-year anniversary of my business. The little superhero bird with the "W" on his chest is my partner Walter, who has always been my biggest fan and support during the ups and downs of my being a one-woman show. I am the bird in the heart of the sun, trying to reach for success with my beak. I'm not yet sure who the haloed hawk represents, but I do feel like it is a protective presence.

So for the past three years I have been sleeping on this art piece, which I now call Saving the Sun, perhaps absorbing its radiance, its hint of possibility for success and abundance and joy.

So here's my task for you today: check under the bed, between your mattress and box spring, behind your headboard. What do you find? There has got to be something that's living under the bed or something you stowed away for safekeeping (or secrecy, perhaps?). Now write about whatever you find there. Go for 10 minutes. Write fast. What is the history of this thing and why is it where you found it? If you found nothing, think of someone you know - or even a character in a movie - who stows something under or near the bed. Don't analyze too much. Get out your pen and paper or keyboard and write!

Surrender

2010-07-06T13:32:00.000-07:00

This Year's Answers, visual journal page

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer."

~ Zora Neale Hurston

Breathing Out, I Smile

2010-07-01T18:01:00.000-07:00

Breathing in, I calm my body.
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful
moment.

~Thich Nhat Hanh

Visual Journaling Workshop

2010-06-27T13:27:00.000-07:00

One week ago Saturday, I hosted a group of six women who participated in my visual journal workshop. Here are some pictures from the fruitful and inspiring event:

What is so powerful about visual journaling is how this art form is all about freedom. The answer to every question is yes. There are no rules. There are no restrictions. There is no right way to create.

Using words and images together in visual journaling, we connect that very old part of our brain (our lizard brain) of image-making (think cave paintings) with our conscious mind (the frontal part of our brain) using words. How dynamic it is to bring these two aspects of our consciousness together to express how we are feeling right now in the present moment -- without our inner critic interfering.

We started off the workshop by doing a fast page. I gave the women only 10 minutes to create their first page. This way, they sped past their inner critic, leaving him/her/it in the dust. When you work fast, the inner critic has a difficult time interjecting. So we sprinted for our first art-making activity and everyone reported that their pesky inner critic either did not appear or was as least stumbling to catch up.

One of the participants, Wendy Lee Lynds, posted her pieces -- and her experience in my workshop -- on her blog Off the Cuff Collage. Click on her blog link to read about her personal insights as well as to view her gorgeous, critic-free pieces.

If you are at all interested in visual journaling for yourself, it's easy. Take a journal, notebook, old datebook, or any bound book and start smearing paint, pasting collage images, gluing words, and writing thoughts. Take 5-10 minutes. It's like freewriting: just go! When you're first starting you may not even wish to look back until you've created a few pages so you keep your forward momentum. This process is about your personal expression, not about creating great art (although I guarantee you will love much of what you create anyway).

There is a fantastically funny and insightful woman with a You Tube channel who talks all about visual journaling. Someday I hope to be as spontaneous and carefree as she seems in her videos. Check out her show called SuziBlu here. I particular like this video about creating layers in your journal.

On Father's Day: The Biggest Room

2010-06-20T18:19:00.000-07:00

This short piece was recently published in Weave Literary Magazine and I thought it only appropriate that I share my essay on Father's Day -- a complex day for me that brings forth a raw poignancy; a deep sadness; and a fierce connection to a man whose mere presence in my life made me feel strong, capable, and unquestionably loved.

Just when I think I’ve finally stopped being the girl who brings her dead father into every room with her, I enter Costco.

Costco is not only the largest room I’ve ever been in, but it is an awfully big room to bring a dead man. He’s bound to get lost. And so am I. A living room is cozy, my loss cradling my feet like a cat; a kitchen is well-lit and warm, my grief burning like the oven’s heat; even a Bartell’s, with its nice short aisles can hold my absence as I search for the perfect pen. But a Costco disperses people with all that space and then compresses them with all that stuff, and in the end a girl who is trying not to bring her dead father with her everywhere she goes is suddenly confronted with the fact that not only is she bringing her father into that gargantuan warehouse, but that he is already here.

My father loved Costco, so entering that shiny concrete-floored, fluorescently-lit building is like entering my father’s not-so-secret, but somewhat sacred room. My father loved deals and he loved gadgets and Costco rarely disappointed him. The way I remember cereal as a kid was in its giant form – 32 ounces of Grape Nuts and three-pack Chex cereal. I think Costco made him feel he could provide for his family: no one ever ran out of cereal in our house (and many of us ate cereal two to three times a day). He bought large canisters of vitamins, 48-packs of toilet paper, polo shirts in every color, six-packs of boxer shorts, three-way flashlights, leaf blowers, and golf-swing training equipment.

After my father died of kidney cancer in August of 2008, my mother transferred my dad’s Costco card to me. I’m sure she had to provide a death certificate as she has had to do with almost every change she’s made in her affairs. Yes, Ed Putnam is dead. He will no longer be shopping at Costco.

My partner Walter and I arrive at the Costco on 205th on a Friday afternoon to make the exchange—to transfer the shopping rights from the dead to the living. I show my I.D., explain that I am my mother’s daughter, and they take my picture for my new “Executive Member” card. In my nervousness, I decide to give a double-thumbs-up to the camera and my picture is printed in black-and-white pointillism awkwardness. I look like I am missing an eye and several teeth. I also look like I’m about twelve.

With my new card in hand, I decide it is only fitting that I make my first Costco purchase – to honor my dad in some way by choosing something fitting, sensible, something I really need. Show dad that I am practical, responsible. Instead, I go searching for trampolines.

When shopping with my father at Costco as a kid (and even as an adult), I always remarked how much I wanted a trampoline. A big, round, blue-rimmed trampoline used to hang from this Costco’s ceiling. “Dad,” I’d say, “We really need that trampoline. It would fit perfectly in the front yard and maybe we could even use it to clean the gutters.” I knew the gutters part would make him think just a little – and he did pause – but he rolled his eyes, patted me gently on the shoulder and said, “not today.”

My dad was a man of few words. Sometimes there were no words, I just imagined them. At times I thought we were telepathic, but I think I was just very good at reading him. And deep down, I knew that “not today” often meant “not ever,” but my dad was too kind to be so definitive. He lived in the present moment and clearly, the trampoline would not fit in the car, and it was summer – no gutters to clean.

For some reason Costco no longer has hanging trampolines. Actually no trampolines at all. I find myself searching through aisles of sheets and pillows while Walter checks out the vacuum cleaners. When I turn the corner I see the men’s polo shirts. There he is. My father and his polo shirts – the shirts he loved to buy in bulk and the shirts my mother often disdained. I approach them cautiously, like they might disappear if I move too quickly, and then I begin to cry. The absence cannot be contained in this place; it just rises and then falls again like rain.

I am surrounded by all the things he used mull over, rifle through, touch. And I know he hasn’t touched this exact six-pack of Champion athletic socks, but I touch them anyway, and wonder if this should be my virginal Costco purchase. But then I can’t see so well, what with the absence raining down on me, coating my eyes, and I end up stuck between racks of DVDs and boxes of wine. I look up and I’m standing right under an eight-foot wide Halloween bat, its wings spread, eyes glowing red. My dad would have loved this bat, as he loved all holiday decorations.

I call Walter on my cell phone: “I’m lost,” I say, “I’m stuck.”

“Where are you?” he asks.

“I’m by the wine and under a big bat!” I yell into the phone because I can’t hear myself over the clanging shopping carts and screaming children.

“You’re by the vats of wine?” he asks.

“No,” I say, crying more, “I’m standing under a bat. B-A-T. I’m sad and I’m stuck and my dad’s polo shirts are here and I don’t know what to buy!”

“I’ll find you,” he says,” and then repeats for clarity, “And you’re standing under a bat, as in screech! screech!?”

“Like screech!” I confirm and collapse the phone.

By the time Walter reaches me I’ve reached maximum overwhelm. “My dad is everywhere, but he is not here,” I say as Walter holds me in the women’s underwear section. He holds me long and tight until I feel myself calm a bit, gain more focus.

I feel the pressure of my purchase building. What would Ed buy? Nuts, I think, my dad always bought nuts for his blood sugar, so Walter escorts me to the canisters and I choose almonds. And soap, my dad would buy soap. These things don’t feel particularly profound, though they feel practical and useful and things my dad would have bought on any given Sunday afternoon at Costco.

With my 40 ounces of almonds and clear soap two-pack, I stand in a long line, watching people hauling their boxes and cans, jars and jugs onto the conveyer belt. When it’s my turn I hand the cashier my new card, half-expecting her to say, Ah, you’re Ed Putnam’s daughter. Welcome to Costco, but instead she barely glances at my picture for verification. I spend my first $17.65 on soap and nuts as Ed Putnam’s daughter, always his daughter, in the biggest room where the dead and living will ever meet.

For more information about Weave Magazine, or to purchase the latest issue from which this essay comes (Issue #4), you can do so here.

Reiki Master Training

2010-05-27T11:23:00.000-07:00

Last week I ventured to Orcas Island to participate in my Reiki Master training. It was a profound experience -- one which has deepened my experience with Reiki healing and has given me a sense of calm and groundedness that I haven't felt in such a long time.

So what does this mean now that I am a Reiki Master? It means that I have been attuned to a higher (deeper?) level, that I can attune others to give themselves Reiki, and that I can now conduct Reiki trainings. I plan on giving Reiki I and Reiki II trainings at the end of summer and during the fall, so stay tuned for more information.

Here are some pictures from my transformative experience on Orcas:

In this last picture I am taking a little nap with Saber the cat, who I bonded with during the retreat.

If you are interested in getting trained in Reiki, feel free to email me with your ideas and questions about your path with this subtle, yet powerful healing work!

peace,
Courtney

Rising Bird Spring 2010 Workshops!

2010-04-11T23:19:00.000-07:00

Art, Healing, and Personal Growth Workshops this Spring!

Pendulums, Muscle Testing, and More!
Saturday, April 17, 2010: 3-5pm

The question of this class is, "What is your body telling you?" The answer is, "Just ask!" This fun, hands-on workshop will introduce you to the art of using the body's inner wisdom. By learning techniques of muscle testing and using pendulums, we will listen to the body's subtle energy that is constantly giving us feedback. But are we listening?

Come with an open mind, comfortable clothing, and a pendulum of some kind (it can be one you purchase or a necklace (metal) with a fairly heavy pendant).

When: Saturday, April 17, 2010, 3-5pm
Where: Rising Bird Healing Arts
Cost: $30 (cash, checks, credit/debit cards accepted)
To Register: email Courtney Putnam at cputnam@rising-bird.com

Celebration of the Body Workshop
Saturday, June 5, 2010: 1-4pm

How often do we honestly, whole-heartedly, and authentically celebrate our bodies? I don't think we do this enough, or sadly, even much at all.

This workshop is meant to help you find ways to celebrate your physical being on a daily basis--honoring your curves (or lack of curves), soothing your scars, healing old wounds, and giving thanks to this "skin that you're in."

Using guided meditation, breathwork, journal writing, and art creation, we will uncover ways to celebrate our bodies in profound and meaningful ways. Please bring a journal and any images you're called to use for art making.

When: Saturday, June 5, 2010, 1-4pm
Where: Rising Bird Healing Arts
Cost: $60 (cash, checks, credit/debit cards accepted)
To Register: email Courtney Putnam at cputnam@rising-bird.com

My Life in Words and Images: A Visual Journal Workshop
Saturday, June 19, 2010: 1-4pm

Since the beginning of the year, I have been diligently creating visual journal pages in a beautiful datebook. Every week, I complete two-three entries and feel that I am learning about the state of my life, addressing my current issues, and exploring my emotional currents with depth, color, and creativity.

Visual journaling allows you to write, doodle, sketch, paint, and collage in order to process your thoughts and feelings in an easy, non-threatening way. This process also allows you to tap into the verbal, visual, and kinesthetic aspects of your creativity.

A variety of beautiful journals/datebooks will be provided for your choosing, as well as many images and art materials with which to play. Feel free to bring any images you are called to work with in your art-making.

When: Saturday, June 19, 2010, 1-4pm
Where: Rising Bird Healing Arts
Cost: $60 (cash, checks, credit/debit cards accepted)
To Register: email Courtney Putnam at cputnam@rising-bird.com

Jumping to Fertilize Your Brain!

2010-04-05T15:17:00.000-07:00

My friend Bev recently introduced me to local author John Medina's new book Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home, and School. I'm devouring the insights in Medina's book and felt the need to enact his first principle, which is "Exercise Boosts Brain Power." As Medina whole-heartedly believes, exercise helps the brain function better by stimulating BDNF (this stands for Brain Derived Neurotrophic Factor), a protein which is like a fertilizer for the brain. Imagine Miracle Grow sprinkled on your brain cells to help them grow! In Brain Rules, he writes, "All the evidence points in one direction: Physical activity is cognitive candy."

So in honor of Medina's work -- and my philosophy, "When you're stuck, move" -- here's a little video I produced (in one shot, without edits as you'll be able to tell) to show a little something I do to fertilize my brain at three o'clock in the afternoon.

Enjoy!

Confidence or "I'm Not the Only One?" or "Nurturing the Sink Hole"

2010-03-18T10:38:00.000-07:00

confidence–noun

1. full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing.

2. belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.
(source from dictionary.com)

Except for a few examples, almost everyone I know confronts their own waning confidence from time to time. Despite outward appearances, why do we suddenly find ourselves raking through self-doubt and climbing over thorny hedges of distrust? We can look at our lives from the outside and say, "Everything looks fine. Actually, everything looks pretty damn great," and yet here we are feeling a sink hole of despair growing in our guts. Many of us keep this sinking hole a secret because we don't want to reveal that we struggle with confidence. Why would we want to expose our lack of confidence and risk feeling even more vulnerable?

I say that it's time we share our struggles, and to expose a very common human experience, but I'll get back to that in a bit.

From an energetic standpoint, what we are experiencing when we feel a lack of confidence is an imbalance in our Solar Plexus Chakra. This chakra is the third chakra of the body, located below the breastbone, near the diaphragm. When this chakra is out of alignment, we may feel confused, have trouble making decisions, feel depressed and unconfident, and distrust our gut instincts. Sound at all familiar?

So what can trigger a sudden plummet in self-confidence? I believe each of us answers that question in a different way. For me, criticism, even when for the most part positive in nature, triggers in me a cascade of self-doubt. Perhaps my perfectionism has something to do with this. From a very young age, I noticed a strong desire in me to not only be "perfect," but also to be liked -- by everyone. Now this is not possible, and I know this, but something in my energetic body still holds on to that worry of not being perfect and not being liked. And as much as I try on a new paradigm of "not caring" what others think or how I perform, I often slip back into that thorny hedge and feel a little scratched up.

What, for you, triggers a distrust in yourself? This would be a good time to get out your journal and start writing. Write about what unnerves you, unglues you, makes you feel less than your joyous, confident self? Write fast. Go.

The first step in taming the self-doubting voice inside you is by naming it. Where does it come from? What is its story? Expose it to the light. Share it with others. When we share our vulnerabilities, I believe this makes those around us give gargantuan sighs of relief, as if everyone's energy is saying, "thank goodness I'm not the only one" and "you, too?"

Conversely, have you ever been in a room full of people who are holding tight to their confidence, as if on a leash, and you can tell they are so fearful to let go? Letting go means admitting human vulnerability. Letting go means understanding what's really at the end of that leash -- is it true, authentic confidence or an act of preservation, of saving face?

The thing is we don't need to feel miserable about ourselves, but if we do during moments when we are out of alignment with our sense of personal power, it's okay to explore it, admit it, and even "go" with it. Instead of fighting your feeling of distrust, go into it. Dive in and explore it. Who are you in there? What does it feel like in this place of low self-esteem? Is it rigid and cold, murky and moist, dark and cavernous, dizzying like a teacup ride? What is at the root? Tug at that root a bit to understand it. Then take a deep cleansing breath, taking in all your self-loathing or self-doubt or even little minuscule unsettling feelings, and incinerate them. That's right: burn these feelings that don't serve you and breathe out their remnants as invisible smoke. And instead of wishing them away, transform them. Breathe out peace or love or hope or confidence or calmness.

Acknowledge + share + explore + breathe in + incinerate + transform into something lovely.

Do this as many times as needed until you feel yourself lighter. You may notice that your diaphragm is able to expand and contract fully and deeply. You may feel a glow inside you, similar to the sun. You may feel more love toward yourself and others. You may experience forgiveness.

Whatever you feel, I hope that you know that you are indeed "not the only one" and that you begin to feel inner peace replace that sink hole. Maybe even a sunflower will sprout there.

You are the Giver and the Receiver

2010-02-27T22:00:00.000-08:00

I just purchased this card for myself at my local Whole Foods Market. I was drawn to the plum purple colors and most certainly the self-affirming message of self-trust. This card is a Papaya! production created by one of my artistic heroes Anahata Katkin.

Not only does the message of the card inspire me to write a blog post highlighting Katkin's creation, but I am struck by the fact that I often buy myself greeting cards. Does anyone else do this? It occurs to me that we needn't wait for cards to arrive in the mail or on our birthday. We can in fact make greeting card purchases a regular routine, and these small gifts should be for ourselves.

I am almost tempted to write myself a message in this card (and I just may do that). I do know that I want to frame the card and place it near my desk where I write and create art. The reminder to trust myself is essential for me in my creative process; I often need to remind myself to follow my intuition, to scope out my hunches, to listen to the colors circling in my mind, and to taste the words in my journal like ripe strawberries, appreciating each red burst.

Buying yourself a greeting card is a form of self-care. Self-care involves listening to what you need and following through with action steps. Maybe you need a massage or a walk or acupuncture or green beans. Maybe you need a hug and tea and a foot bath. On the other hand, maybe you need to give yourself a card and a bouquet of flowers to remind yourself that you are worthy, loved, and admired. Maybe you should try being both the lover and the loved, the admirer and the admired, the talker the listener, the giver and the recipient.

Try this:
Buy (or create) a card for yourself and find a use for it. Write yourself a note in it (and even mail it to yourself!), frame it and place it in a significant place, or simply hang it on your fridge. This card is for you, from you. Cherish it as you do yourself.

Note: If you are in love with the "Trust Yourself" card like I am and you can't find it in a local store, you can always buy it online at Papaya! here.

Cultivating Joy

2010-02-20T15:33:00.000-08:00

Cultivating Happiness, 8" x 10" encaustic by Courtney Putnam

"Sometimes comfort isn't an action, but an open heart that you bring to a situation. Acceptance for others is rooted in accepting yourself. If you are tired today, emotionally vulnerable, or angry and frustrated, make room for it. Learn to gently say, I accept all of myself. I hold my feelings with tenderness, love, and comfort."

--Collette Lafia, Comfort and Joy

Interconnection & Empathy

2010-02-11T10:52:00.000-08:00

Human beings are interconnected spiritually, emotionally, mentally, even physically. Everyone remembers this occasionally, with a little shock of recognition. Take breathing, for example. What could seem more personal than our breath? Yet humans all over the world share your air. As songwriter Tom Chapin sings about recycling, 'Someone's going to use it after you. Someone's gonna need it when you're through.' Our physical swapping doesn't stop with the nostril stuff, either. It's mind boggling to realize that Planet Earth uses, and always has used, the same water supply. Dinosaurs drank from pools that, many water cycles later, have filled up bottles at your local convenience store, bottles that bear that mystical label Coca-Cola. In fine print those labels should read, 'Recycled over eons from mountain lakes, jungles, and city sewers; distilled from the sweat, blood, and tears of
every race that has lived on this earth.'

- Rose Rosetree, Empowered by Empathy: 25 Ways to Fly in Spirit

Imagine what it is like, then, for someone very empathic. Imagine how swapping the air with other human beings, feeling their energy acutely, and tasting the water that contains eons of many different life forms could make someone extremely sensitive feel completely overwhelmed.

That is how I have felt most of my life. When I was an adolescent -- maybe 10 or 12 -- my mother said to me: "What a gift it is that you are so sensitive, Courtney, and yet I am so sorry that your sensitivity makes life so hard for you." I remember being entirely understood in that moment. My mother's words blanketed me with assurance that I was not crazy; in fact, her words indicated that I had a gift. At the time, I pictured a strange package set out before me: a beautiful gold box with a silver bow. Inside, though, contained my worry over the puppies in the pound, apartheid, and the Holocaust (for some reason, those were my "big three"). I also held in that gift box my worry over falling off the balance beam during my routine, my concern for the girl down the street who had cancer, and anger at my peers who made fun of gay people.

No, life was not easy for me. I watched Sophie's Choice and Dry White Season. I read Virginia Woolf and thought about the importance of a room of my own. I spent many Friday evenings as a teenager watching Hitchcock movies instead of going to parties. I rarely raised my hand in class for fear of hearing my own voice, and my struggle with speaking in front of others worried me for years.

Later I discovered that some of my feelings (and even bodily sensations) were not entirely my own. I picked up on others' emotions, felt others' pain, and even sometimes knew what someone was thinking before they spoke a word. Sometimes I would even pick up stomach aches, headaches, and even hangovers from others. On a subconscious level, perhaps I was trying to be Mother Theresa of the empath world: I was trying to take others' suffering away.

As Rosetree writes, "Unskilled empaths suffer." Yes, indeed. This became clear to me the year my father was sick with kidney cancer. My left kidney area often ached. I felt nauseated a lot. And on the day my dad had the worst time keeping anything down, I threw up later that night. Ultimately, I feel I took on my father's fears and pain, and as a result I began having panic attacks.

Empathy doesn't have to be this painful. It took me 33 years of my life to realize that not only was I empathic (and not "damaged" in some way), but to see that I was not skilled in managing my empathy. I am now learning how to "turn down the volume" of my empathy. I liken this to the tuning that acupuncturists do with the needles. They can increase the intensity or lower it by twisting the needles. Often times I turn up the volume of my empathy when I am giving my massage and energy work sessions so I can tune into my clients fully. When they leave my space, I turn the volume back down and create an energetic boundary, which reminds me that I am me and my client is my client. I break the energetic connection we just had so that I can feel what I feel in my body and in my heart and know that it belongs to me. Sometimes I breathe a little matra: "I breathe in Courtney, I breathe out who I am not. I am me."

My mother was right: my empathy is a gift. But it is a gift I must fine tune so I don't feel so much internally-driven pain. If you find yourself experiencing stress due to over-empathizing with others, try that breathing technique I mention above:

Breath in: I am [your name]

Breathe out: I am not anyone else.

Breathe in: I am me.

Repeat several times until you feel calmer and more centered in yourself.

A Sound Life

2010-02-02T13:41:00.000-08:00

Tweet! 6" x 6" encaustic by Courtney Putnam

"We often speak of desiring 'sound' lives without realizing how telling the phrase is. By focusing on the sound of my life, I can alter and improve my life. What is the tone of my voice? What is the tone of my environment? As I focus on the 'pitch' of my life, I can create harmony. My voice, the music I choose, even the tone of my prayers--all these factors contribute to my life's being 'sound.'"

--Julia Cameron, Transitions

I don't know about you, but the coming of spring alerts my ears first. Yes, the days are getting longer (thank goodness for light!), but the birds are emerging from their hiding places--their little wintry nooks--and they're talking!

Spring seems to be arriving early this year in Seattle and I can hear it coming. With this awareness of bird sounds, I've also become more aware of all the sounds in my life. For instance, I've been hearing my own voice a lot more lately now that I am teaching a college writing class. This is new for me. I'm not a "talker" and here I am listening to myself say things that I usually reserve for writing. Last night, I returned from teaching with a hoarse voice. I actually liked feeling that hoarseness. I've spent most of my life holding back speech, reserving it for creative expression, and hoarding it away for fear of being "wrong" in some way. That hoarseness is a sign that I am taking risks. I like the sound of that.

I also like the sound of music with a bit more of a light beat to it. This fall and winter I listened to a chakra chants album over and over. My partner would politely ask me to turn down the volume at bedtime when I wanted to listen to those deep, almost Gregorian chanting sounds. He'd say, "Doesn't that feel a little intense?" At the time, no it didn't feel intense, but now, now that spring is coming, those chants feel too deep and heavy. I am searching for light sounds -- music that makes me think of the flapping of birds' wings.

And I think I'm wanting to feel lighter in general. I want to surround myself with light and lightness. Let me fly. Let me hear the wind spiral in my ears.

What sounds are you drawn to right now and what sounds are you ready to return to the depths of fall and winter for their own hibernation? How do you want your life to sound? And are you finding ways to make it so?

Winter Special: Tropical Immersion

2010-01-21T11:22:00.000-08:00

After my December trip to Maui, I knew I had to create a special bodywork experience inspired by my trip. This special is full of Hawaiian flavor, scent, and wisdom, and I am delighted to offer this two-hour experience to you through the end of March 2010!

This winter, open your mind, body, and soul to the healing energy of the Hawaiian Islands. Give yourself the gift of warmth, light, and bodywork during these cool winter months.

This Tropical Immersion Special includes the following experiences:

• an aromatherapy foot spa and full-spectrum light therapy

• hot tea and a tropical snack

• a Hawaiian Oracle card reading (choose your Hawaiian animal spirit guide)

• hot stone massage using smooth basalt river stones

• your choice of tropical aromatherapy used throughout the session

Cost: $140 (cash, checks, and credit cards accepted). Gift certificates available.

To make your appointment, contact Courtney at cputnam@rising-bird.com or (206) 228-9124.

Listening to Your Body (and Cooling the Flames)

2010-01-04T19:18:00.000-08:00

I started reading Thich Nhat Hanh's book Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames recently. My friend Angela recommended this book to me and I now keep it on my bedside table for little doses of reading before bed.

Right now I am delving deeply into the chapter called "The Language of True Love." I have been thinking about anger and how it relates to language because for the past few weeks I have had terrible pain in my jaw (left TMJ area) and now in my left neck muscles. I know there is something to be learned by this pain. I know this pain is not purely physical in nature. I feel this pain has to do with my throat chakra and my speaking my truth.

I also think that this pain has to do with anger. After all, when we are angry or stressed we tend to clench our jaw, tighten our neck muscles, and stop breathing properly. These all create a hostile environment for the throat chakra -- a chakra that is the gateway from the lower chakras to the upper chakras, the smallest channel in the body for energy to flow from one chakra to the next. If the feelings of the heart aren't accepted and communicated via the throat, we can experience physical or emotional pain.

I received a massage today as part of my journey to soften the pain in my neck and as I was lying on the table the idea (not the feeling) of anger emerged. Am I angry about something? Has something gone unexpressed? I began to have a dialogue with my neck and jaw -- one of curiosity and compassion. This internal conversation reminded me of a passage from Hanh's Anger:

"When you are angry, your anger is your baby and you have to look after it. It is like when your stomach is upset, you have to go back to yourself and embrace your stomach. Your stomach is your baby at that moment. Our stomach is a physical formation, a physiological formation, and our anger is a mental formation. We must take care of our anger in the same way we take care of our stomach...."

After the massage session, I felt like my neck was this baby to look after, to console, to comfort. I also felt like I needed to listen to this baby and to let it scream if it needed to. (BTW, no screaming yet, but if need be, I will let 'er rip!)

What physical pain are you experiencing right now -- from the tiniest of annoyances to major discomfort -- that could use some attention? What, beyond your physiology, might be contributing to this discomfort? And what might happen if you listened to this part of your body and cradled it like a baby in need or your care? And in your dialogue with this part of your body, what emotions reside there? Is there anger, fear, sadness? Allow yourself to feel what emerges, and most likely this awareness will lessen the pain.

I am glad to report that my neck is feeling much better this evening, but I also feel like there is more left on my journey of discovering what this area of my body needs to communicate. Next to my Anger book I also keep a journal, so I am ready to record insights and messages as they arrive. Perhaps a dream will reveal some insight tonight....

It's Hailing Inside

2009-12-26T15:57:00.000-08:00

Storm Brings Beauty, encaustic, 8" x 10"

Storms bring wind, rain, circling leaves, fallen trees, flooding, dynamic thunder and lightning, even tornadoes and hurricanes. Storms can also bring snow, sleet, hail the size of golf balls.

There are internal storms, too. They're the kind that sometimes remain hidden deep down in the belly or just under the surface near the heart. Sometimes we let them out and spin in our own cyclones, feeling the intensity of emotion or pain. Other times, we disguise our storms carefully, or do the opposite: we can't keep them inside for one more minute and we begin to crack and boom. We can ride our storms out, watching as they (and we) move in their (our) shapes and patterns. These storms can also hurt ourselves or others in the process of expression, even when we don't mean for this to happen.

Try this:

When you experience internal storms of the mind, body, and soul, what do they look and feel like? Do you hail inside? Experience flash floods? Are you the tree that has been struck by lightning? Take out a piece of paper or your journal and describe your emotional landscape with storm metaphors. When there is pain inside you, how does Mother Nature manifest in your gut, your heart, your head, your bones?

And now think about what you do to calm the storms. Write down ways in which you let your storms release or let go, leaving you--and others--in one lovely piece. Uncover the beauty that comes after a storm, when everything is left to settle and slow, when you know in your body that the sun will rise again and show itself like a sunflower emerging from a winter landscape.

Signs from the Body

2009-12-07T11:26:00.000-08:00

Scar Matrix for Healing the Heart, encuastic, 8" x 10"

"Like dreams, body symptoms present information of which we're unconscious. In a dream, this information comes as symbols. In the body, it comes as symptoms. Both mean the same thing: signs!...They mean something. They have wisdom, metaphoric power, method in their madness. They are one of the languages the soul uses to get across to us something about itself. The word pathology, in fact, means the speech of suffering, the logic of pain, and in order to understand that logic, in order to speak to the wild imagination at work in symptoms, we must bring to it a certain supple and symbolic imagination." -- Gregg Levoy, Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life

The art piece you see above is a representation of my "speech of suffering," of my "logic of pain." The symbol of a circle, a very common symbol used by many cultures (and often the first symbol drawn by most children, I just learned), is also my symbol to represent the pain I have felt and continue to feel in my heart area in response to the loss of my father.

I imagined this symbol while receiving a potent and emotional CranioSacral session with Ella Nacht in Kirkland, WA. We were investigating the tightness in my chest and diaphragm area, and the knot near my heart, just to the left of center.

Ella asked me, "What does this area feel like?" Tears streamed down the creases of my eyes, filling my ears, and she gently took a tissue to them so little tear lakes wouldn't form there.

I told her, "I feel like I am alone. That everyone has forgotten I lost my dad, just over a year ago. I feel neglected in my loss." Ella placed one hand on my heart and the other on my back near my left scapula, cradling me with her touch.

"And what does this area look like," she asked?

"It's a circle. There is pink and red in there, but the area right near my heart, where I feel pain is black and brown and scarred. It's sticky and deep. I feel open and loving in the world, but that dark part remains hurt, maybe even angry."

After some breathing and more of her CranioSacral work, I felt I could breathe more fully. She then asked, "What does this area need?"

I didn't use my mind to answer, but rather my heart itself spoke: "Light, it needs light. It needs to be seen. I need to give it a life through art...and it's okay if it's not pretty."

So that was the beginning of this art piece. It emerged from my body itself as I was guided by a gifted practitioner who created a safe place for me to explore the sensations and images in my very own being. I left the session so grateful, and with the lovely realization that I often do this very process with my own clients. How powerful to receive what I often give.

During my second session with Ella, I shared my art piece with her. She noted that that dark area looked like a healing matrix, the criss-cross pattern tissue makes when it has torn and is now healing. I hadn't noticed that before, and suddenly I realized that not only was this art piece one of expression of sadness, anger, and damage, but also of healing. That aching part of me was actually healing itself. My body and mind were working to heal it, just as my body would work to heal a torn hamstring muscle.

I was inspired to share this art piece -- and my story -- today after reading a chapter called "The Language of the Body" in Levoy's book Callings. I was struck by the way Levoy described the power in tuning into pain -- whether physical or emotional -- and almost amplifying it to understand it as I did in my session with Ella. Levoy writes, "Draw your attention to it [the pain]. Forget what you think is going on, why you have it, what it means, and again, just focus on the experience of it."

When you do this, you may find that your body has a message for you. Perhaps the message is an image or word or metaphor or feeling. Perhaps it is something concrete and very specific. Whatever it is, what you see/feel/hear/taste/smell/touch is a sign from your body. You are being given a gift when you tune in to the pain, listen to it, and give it light. You may even find that you are in the process of healing your pain by just acknowledging it and giving it the room to express itself.

Belonging

2009-12-02T13:26:00.000-08:00

Egg Tribe, encaustic, 5" x 5"

A few years ago, my friend Laila Atallah introduced me to the concept of "belonging to a tribe." As a holistic career counselor and life coach, she often helps her clients determine where they belong -- in terms of careers, but also in terms of their lives in general.

I remember one day when Laila and I were in her kitchen (always a great place to have conversations) and we examined where we felt we belonged. Who were "our people," meaning who ignited us, inspired us, made us feel good? Who made us think, had similar interests, cared about the same things we did?

We began listing certain characteristics we appreciated in friends, and we also began to contemplate what made us "grow out of" certain friendships. Had we changed? Had others changed?

Here's a list of questions I've just spontaneously created to help you examine your tribe, community, friend group, network, or whatever you'd like to call it. And maybe you have several tribes with which you are drawn.

1. When in social situations, how do you like to be received or treated?

2. Do you find yourself yearning for connection and action or wanting quiet contemplation -- or a combination?

3. List some activities that you love to do. Examine why you love these things.

4. List some activities that repel you. Examine why these things push you away.

5. What values do you hold firmly, that you can't imagine changing?

6. What aspects of yourself do you wish you could accentuate or illuminate?

7. List three objects that comfort you.

8. List characteristics you love in other people that you don't necessarily cultivate in yourself.

9. Are there certain things that will make or break a relationship for you?

10. List 10 characteristics of your authentic self -- the self that you've had since childhood.

After you've answered these questions, circle any important words or phrases that feel of significance to you. What can you glean from these words? Is it clear that you are drawn to very intellectually-oriented folks or people who love to be politically active? Maybe values are most important to you, so finding people with similar ethical philosophies is how you create your tribe. Maybe these questions highlight that you are malleable in your actions and tastes, open in your ability to fit into many communities.

You might also like to imagine how you might have answered these questions as a teenager. How different (or similar) might be your answers?

Feel free to post your insights and responses here!

Transformed

2009-11-30T09:08:00.001-08:00

The picture above shows the art pieces that we created during the November 28 "Transforming Loss: Altering Photographs" workshop, the second rendition of this workshop that I have facilitated. Each participant created pieces that reflected aspects of themselves, their losses, and their healing journeys. At the end of the workshop, we set our pieces in our sacred candle circle, honoring each of the ways we expressed our unique selves through image-making.

Ann shows her art piece, full of light, healing, and love.

Dorothy pieces together images and colors, creating a tapestry of authenticity.

Karen makes the final touch on her piece, hammering in an important sound element.

Bethany examines her photographs, finding the ones that reflect her journey.

During the workshop, I realized that the symbol of my strength comes in the form of tree roots. So I created this piece above to honor the ways in which I carry my father's strength with me in the form of roots holding strong, settling deeply into the earth, always growing.

I also created another tribute piece to my father. The photograph depicts my father walking away, although, I like to think that he is walking towards something lovely, something so bright and comforting. He is always, ever always.

I want to thank the participants of this workshop for being themselves in the present moment, for risking to create art (yes, art can feel risky to some of us!), and for witnessing the process of each other. I feel grateful and honored to be your guide in this process of insight, healing, and transformation.

Renewing Light

2009-11-24T23:53:00.000-08:00

We are just about month away from the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year. This year, the Winter Solstice will occur at exactly 5:47 pm Coordinated Universal Time (UTC) on December 21, 2009.

As we move through these soggy November days into the new days of December, I find myself lighting candles consistently and mindfully. Creating candlelight glow has become second nature in my daily routine, I suppose, because I find candles comforting. I love the flicker, the soft yellow illumination, the scents, the wavering flame. There is something very primal about candlelight, too, as if something very old awakens in my body, some dormant seed that's been hiding in the dark of these long evenings. I also feel a sense of potential in the light that is to come once we pass the solstice mark. There is something in me ready to glow, regenerate, renew.

I created the art piece above to honor the power and comfort of the candles that flicker my evenings along, making striking shadows on the walls. These companions light my way most evenings and remind me that I am also a flame, burning with creativity, emotion, and strength.

How do you use light during these dark months of fall? Do you surround yourself with candlelight like I do or perhaps light a fire or hang strings of lights? Or do you find yourself comforted by the darkness?

And what in you is ready for some renewal? What is ready to burn its way into being and show itself in the light?

Healing Through Art Making

2009-11-19T22:24:00.001-08:00

Earlier this month, I facilitated "Transforming Loss: Altering Photographs." The candle above holds the intentions of all who participated and shared their losses through talking, writing, and above all, art-making.

The whole afternoon was poignant as we worked together as a supportive group and separately in our own creative bubbles, depicting our losses and hopes and visions. There was a creative silence that could only be described as healing silence as we cut and pasted and glittered our way to understanding our losses.

It was humbling to notice the physical changes in the participants--stiff, nervous bodies turned to relaxed postures and tight apprehensive faces turned to calm soft faces--and to hear the insights and revelations that the art pieces revealed to each person. And I was moved so deeply.

Here are my two pieces from the workshop (lucky me -- I got to participate, too!):

A tribute to my dad.

A self-portrait piece as I learn to feel strong again after loss.

I am offering this workshop again due to additional interest. It's on Saturday, November 28, 1-4pm. Email me if you'd like to join in: cputnam@rising-bird.com.

And the loss issues you bring to the workshop can be any type of loss -- not just loss due to the death of a loved one. In the last workshop, there were many different manifestations of loss shared and explored, including loss of relationships, loss of identity, loss of innocence, etc.

If you are a Facebook user, you can become a "fan" of Rising Bird Healing Arts, and once on my page you can view some of the other art pieces from the participants! And here's a link to some photographs from the last workshop (also on Facebook).

A Thrust of Action

2009-11-02T13:38:00.000-08:00

Powerhorse, encaustic by Courtney Putnam

Happy November, everyone!

I must say that part of me feels like sleeping through November and waking up in December, just in time for my birthday. But, there is another part of me rearing for action. I feel a burst of desire for doing. I think spending yesterday building a raised garden bed with my friend and neighbor Juliet helped recharge me. I feel like spring is around the corner (well, sort of) and there is much to do!

It will be interesting to see how I balance my sleeping / doing energies. I imagine I will be engaging in both quite evenly as the month progresses, but I wanted to share with you a bit of my enthusiasm for action since so many of us drag a little in the fall and winter months.

To honor this sudden thrust of "I'm going to get things done" energy, I give you another entry from my Body Cards book, still in process (but becoming more complete as I do, do, do!):

Soleus Muscle: action

Location: One of the muscles of each calf, deep to the gastronemius muscles, which are more superficial.
Function: Aids in balance and walking. Pumps venus blood back to the heart from the lower extremities.
Unique Fact: Due to its fish-like shape, the word “soleus” comes from the word “solefish.”
Associated Chakra: Root (1st Chakra)

The soleus muscles are often called “The Second Hearts,” for they returns venus blood from the lower extremities to the heart through their pumping action. That’s why exercise is so important for circulating blood throughout your body. These “little hearts” require action in order to function properly; without movement, we can become stagnant in our heart. All our heart’s desires, like our all-important blood, could be pooling at our feet!

If you find that the soleus muscle is pumping its way into your cards, perhaps its time to feed your heart’s desire through action. Have you been envisioning something for quite a while, yet are resistant or scared to take action? It’s important to “feel right” before we take action, but maybe you’re ready to take the leap right now. What’s holding you back? Move your way into manifesting something important to you. Go ahead: tell someone you love them; take that new job; enter that juried art show; sign up for that marathon. This card signals a time of doing; ask your heart what it desires and then allow yourself the chance to move your way into manifesting your dreams.

Happiness Limbo

2009-10-19T11:02:00.000-07:00

Gather, mixed media collage by Courtney Putnam

Sometimes a change in seasons -- particularly the transition from a season of light, like summer, to seasons of coolness and gray, like fall and winter--can bring with it a feeling stagnation for me: a sort of happiness limbo. It's like happiness is there in moments, but it can be shaded by the shadow of dark nights and falling leaves. Now I love fall (did I just write that?!). It is so beautiful here in Seattle when the leaves turn. And in those few days when we have blue sky and a crispness in the air, I feel the happiness in my body lift me up. So happiness is there, but I also feel a bit in limbo with it, like I could easily take a down turn, fall off a cliff into apathy and ambiguity. Do you ever feel this during this summer-to-fall seasonal change? Or perhaps this happens to you during a different seasonal transition. Or some other time that doesn't correspond with the seasons.

Julia Cameron has a sweet little book aptly called Transitions, and I want to share a hearty quote from it here:

"In some seasons, we are able to act decisively in directions that please us and feel happiness as a result. At other times, life is less linear and more variable. Happiness is more elusive as we experience events and timing beyond our control. Among life's vivid seasons, there are also times of a more muffled love, periods of muted mood and ambivalent, even ambiguous feelings. These are the limbo times, the gray days that fall in between. These are the transitional times when I am not what I was nor am yet what I am becoming. In limbo times, I must live with alert attention to my feelings of vulnerability. I must guard against hasty choices and rushed decisions. In limbo times I must learn to simply be. Soon enough life will move onward."

I love this excerpt from Cameron because it reminds me that happiness limbo is normal! We all feel it! Some call it the "blahs" others may call it stuckness. Whatever it is for you, it is completely normal to have periods of being in a liminal space -- that space of being "not what I was nor am yet what I am becoming."

And I think these times of happiness limbo give us a great opportunity to slow down, tune inward, and just be, as Cameron suggests. We don't need to bruise ourselves trying to activate our happiness. We need to relax into what we're experiencing. At least that's what I try to do. Because, soon enough, life will feel lighter again, more motivating, more clear and crisp. It will!

And my friend Kristen just now reminded me of that other kind of limbo: you know, the game? When we play limbo we are in that awkward position between falling and standing. And that's how I often feel during transitional times. Will I bend backwards and fall to the floor or will my chin barely miss the bar and I spring up to standing?

So how to take care of yourself during happiness limbo? Let yourself be. Be gentle with yourself, knowing that you are normal, okay, even pretty amazing. Find ways to feel better, but in a kind and compassionate way, like moving your body: physically move, but don't force ourselves into pain. So walking is good, so is dancing or singing or writing. Stretching can be nice, too. Get out the limbo bar if you want, but be sure to play some groovy music. And I like to throw in laughter. Laughter is a great mover; it shakes your whole body and releases endorphins.

Here's a little inspiration for you:

Letting Go and Transforming Loss

2009-10-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

I created this piece with intuitive counselor/coach Karen Floyd at my side this past week (we often have working art days together). It didn't occur to me until just now how significant this piece is in light of the recent conversation we had on Karen's Power Talk Live radio show this morning. The topic was aptly "letting go." (Clearly that crow knew something I did not when I was creating this piece!)

If you'd like to listen to our conversation, you can do so here:

I was Karen's guest co-host and I spoke about grief and transforming loss in connection with letting go. I shared my experience with the losses in my life, most significantly the death of my father in 2008. We had such a fruitful conversation and I was honored to be asked to share my story, so thank you, Karen!

As I told Karen during the show, grief can be such an isolating feeling for those of us going through it. In my experience, it feels tremendously relieving to be asked how I am doing related to my loss. I feel seen, heard, and acknowledged. Often times people "give room" to the grieving person, not wanting to say or do the "wrong thing" and yet this distance and absence is sometimes painful for the person who is dealing with loss. As my friend Benjie said when advocating for those in his grief group, "Don't be afraid to talk to us." I fully agree. We won't break into pieces; we have already done that.

Karen's show is every Friday at 11:30am PST. You can call in to ask questions, offer insights, or receive guidance. It's a powerful forum for getting unstuck and understanding yourself in deep and meaningful ways.

An Inner Wisdom Workshop

2009-09-28T21:23:00.000-07:00

Your Body Speaks: An Inner Wisdom Workshop
facilitated by Courtney Putnam, MFA, LMP

There exists a universal, intelligent life force that exists within everything. It resides within each one of us as a deep wisdom, an inner knowing. We can access this wonderful source of knowledge and wisdom through our intuition, an inner sense that tells us what feels right and true for us at any given moment.

- Shakti Gawain, Developing Intuition

When: Sunday, November 22, 2009; 1:00-4:00pm

Location: Rising Bird Healing Arts: 6316 9th Avenue NE (Seattle)

What does it feel like in your body when you resonate with an idea, thought, or feeling? How do you know when your body is giving you important information?

In my work as a bodywork practitioner, I use my intuition in virtually every one of my sessions. I sense energy through my hands; I feel physical sensations in my own body in response to my client; I receive images and colors in my mind's eye; and I feel connection and empathy in my heart. Sometimes words will come to me or even a phrase or string of dialogue.

In my daily life, I have also learned how to tap into my inner wisdom. I find self-insight much more challenging than my work intuiting others, yet I find it tremendously rewarding. When I am able to listen to myself truly, deeply, I realize that I really do have the answers I am seeking right inside my very own being. And I believe that you do, too.

In this inner wisdom workshop, we will explore the power of our sixth chakra, the chakra of intuition and inner knowing. Using writing, guided visualization, sensing exercises, muscle testing, and pendulum work, we will tap into the body's hidden wisdom.

Come join me for an afternoon of intuitive play! Pendulums and refreshments provided.

Please bring a journal and wear comfortable clothing for relaxing.

Cost: $70 (Cash, checks, and credit cards accepted.)

To Register: Email Courtney at cputnam@rising-bird.com or reserve your spot by clicking on the PayPal button below.

Transforming Loss Workshop

2009-09-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

Transforming Loss:
Altering Photographs
facilitated by Courtney Putnam, MFA, LMP

When: Sunday, November 8; 1:00-4:00pm

Where: Rising Bird Healing Arts: 6316 9th Avenue NE, Seattle, WA 98115

No matter what type of loss(es) we have experienced — the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a companion animal, an aspect of ourselves, a home, etc. — we carry with us images in our minds and feelings in our bodies of those losses. We remember who we once were before loss changed our lives and who we have become as a result of these loss experiences.

Using mixed media collage techniques, we will transform our photographs in order to make meaning out of the losses we’ve experienced in our lives. We will adorn our photographs with meaningful symbols and colors as a way to reckon with our losses, to celebrate those who have meant a great deal to us, and to find peace and redemption in our strength and resiliency.

I will be sharing my personal journey with this powerful healing art throughout the workshop. During my father's illness and after his death in 2008, I created a series of altered photographs as part of my grief and healing process. Creating altered photographs continues to be a source of healing for me and I look forward to sharing this process with you.

You need not have any art experience to participate in this workshop. This is a day of meaningful and creative play, with process as our focus. We will be remembering, transforming, and making lovely artistic messes in a safe and nurturing setting.

To Register: Email Courtney Putnam at cputnam@rising-bird.com or reserve your spot using the PayPal button below.

Cost: $70

What to bring: a notebook to do some brief journaling and personal exploration; photocopies of photographs you wish to alter (color or black and white copies); any meaningful images that you’d like to use in your mixed-media creations. Please bring at least one copy of an image of yourself.

I will supply all other art supplies, including a wide variety of collage images. I will also offer light snacks and tea, and comforting music. Two very understanding and comforting cats may be joining us as well.

Art piece above: “My Father: Prince of Action” by Courtney Putnam

Intentional Desires Workshop

2009-09-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

Intentional Desires: An Abundance Box Workshop
Facilitated by Courtney Putnam, MFA, LMP

Date: Saturday, October 17, 2009

Time: 1:00pm-4:00pm

Location:
Rising Bird Healing Arts
6316 9th Avenue NE
Seattle, WA 98115

Abundance [n]: great amount or supply; bounty, fortune, plenitude, prosperity, thriving.

What do you want to actualize in your life? Abundant creative energy? Exceptional health? A job you love? More confidence? Strong and enduring relationships? Financial security? More life-work balance? Greater spiritual fulfillment?

The possibilities for abundance in your life are great and many. All you need to do is dream a little, listen to your gut a little, plan a little, and take action a little. Take your first action steps with me as we create boxes that will represent our desires and house our aspirations.

Join me for an afternoon of envisioning your own abundance. In this hands-on workshop, you will explore your dreams and goals and create an abundance box as a visual representation of what you wish to manifest in your life. This is a time for thinking big, pulling your ingenious ideas out of the cobwebs of your mind, and giving life to your desires!

The purpose of an abundance box is to channel your intentions, goals, and visions into a symbolic artifact. Inside this box you will place small objects that characterize the things you wish to actualize. Think about what aspect of your life you would like to give a little positive intention. Are there goals and dreams you are ready to make real? Are you ready to take a significant leap?

In addition to decorating our boxes, we will also explore some basic principles of Feng Shui, which may enhance or inform the intention and placement of our boxes. Using a Feng Shui bagua (map) as your guide, you will determine where your box is best placed in your own home.

Come for an afternoon of creativity, positive intention, and play!

To Register: Email cputnam@rising-bird.com or secure your spot via PayPal below.

Cost: $50 (checks, cash, & credit cards accepted); space is limited to eight people so register early!

You bring (if you wish):
Any significant images, symbols, or objects with which to 1) decorate your box, and to 2) place inside your box.

I provide: Boxes of varying shapes and sizes, art supplies, collage supplies and decorative papers. Tea and light snacks will be provided, too!

Dreams Opening

2009-09-24T17:02:00.000-07:00

Dreams a-Flutter, encaustic, 8" x 10"

I've had several conversations lately with wise women about actualizing dreams, and what I've come to realize is that dreams become real when we consciously open them and when we are energetically open to them.

There is both an active/doing and receptive/listening aspect to actualization. Visualization and dreaming are essential--we need to explore in our minds and hearts what it is we really want. But we also need to take action--physical steps that bring us closer to our dreams.

Many of us don't take the physical steps because of fear of failure or fear of having chosen the "wrong dream." In other words, what we thought we wanted we don't really want. Without action, however, we wouldn't know this.

When I was in massage school, I started with a class of fifteen. By the time I graduated, we were down to eight. That's almost half attrition. And the surprising fact is that several people dropped out right before the end. It took almost the whole experience for them to realize that this was not what they wanted. This could (and did for some) feel like a real blow. But it can also be seen as a blessing of the active side of actualization. It's movement. It's experience. It's progression. It's a mirror, reflecting to us what it is we do not want. Without it, we stay safe behind our thoughts and our "what ifs."

So I am going to ask you the same question I am asking myself right now as I swim in the river of dreamland: what is it that you want to do and how are you going to engage with both your receptive and active sides to open yourself to your dreams?

In the art piece above, the hand is the doing side and the butterfly wings represent the receiving side. The hand sculpts the world, the butterfly opens its wings to meet the world as it is.

When are you the butterfly and when are you the hand--and when do you know when to take active steps toward your juicy, dreamy land of possibilities?

Transitions with Soft Hearts

2009-09-15T21:34:00.001-07:00

Embrace the Softness, encaustic on mat board, 8" x 10"

I wasn't feel very good today. I'm fighting a little cold and some anxiety was surfacing, too. I took it easy today, including sleeping in until 10:00am! I took one outing in the afternoon and that was to my local used book store to see what book might call to me. Within minutes of being in the store, I located Transitions, Julia Cameron's book of wisdom about dealing with life transitions. I could use this, I thought to myself, imagining the coming of fall and how each year this transition startles me a bit, but I also thought, we could all use this.

So here is an excerpt from the beginning of her book:

"All change can be expansive potential. The choice is ours. As I open my heart to accept change, my heart softens and grows larger. Every experience carries the seed of transformation. Every even can bring blossoming and wealth. My personal will can resist change or embrace it. The choice is mine and determines the life I will have. Today I choose to embrace change. I open my heart to its hidden but abundant blessings."

--Julia Cameron, Transitions

I love how she describes her heart softening and expanding when accepting change. The image of a soft heart soothed me today. A soft heart is malleable, able to change with ease and grace.

May we all embrace the changes that fall before us -- or the changes we actively choose -- and may we feel ourselves becoming soft and expansive as we fly like the bird in my art piece above. May we feel light and open to the sky of possibilities.

The Wisdom of Listening

2009-09-08T22:25:00.000-07:00

A while back I purchased a book of essays called The Wisdom of Listening and now and again I read an article to help me evolve as a compassionate listener in my practice.

Just tonight I opened to an essay called "Feeding One Another" by Anne and Charles Simpkinson and I am swimming in the realization that many of us do not feel nourished by many of our conversations or may not feel heard at all.

The Simpkinsons begin their article with the following: "Listening and being heard are important psychological nutrients that we need every day." Do you feel like you receive these nutrients on a daily basis?

I want to share a longer excerpt from this article now:

"Have you ever wondered why some conversations -- friends and family -- are emotionally unsatisfying? Do you feel that hardly anyone is listening to you or understanding what you are saying? When you aren't heard, do you wonder if the other person cares about you? If you find yourself contemplating these things, you are not alone. As a nation, we have the technical expertise to create a vast web of communications using highly sophisticated technology, but as individuals our exchanges with each other are often primitive, unsatisfying--even unhealthy. Many people live every day of their lives in a state of chronic psychological malnourishment and don't even know it."

I want to extract the following statement from the excerpt for further exploration:

"When you aren't heard, do you wonder if the other person cares about you?"

How defeating to feel as though the one whom you've chosen to speak with does not care about you due to the fact that they are not fully listening to you -- that they are not noticing what you say (and what you don't say), as well as all the nonverbal clues that good listeners pick up on. In essence when you don't feel heard you feel invisible.

In my view, having nourishing conversations involves reciprocity. For a time one person speaks and the other listens. All the while, the speaker has an awareness of audience--that their friend is attending to them and may need some attention as well. With this awareness, the speaker can then pause from their own speech and turn their attention to their friend, who now has a chance to receive the gifts of attentive listening. Think of relationships you currently have which have this lovely reciprocity and which do not. What do you do and how do you feel when you give the gift of your listening ears, but do not receive the same gift in return?

In addition to reciprocity, there is a clear exchange of words and an equal exchange of cues indicating that listening is happening: eye contact, nonverbal gestures like nodding, reflecting back what one has said, asking questions, etc. When these cues are not present, it is hard to know if one is actually listening at all. What do you do when you don't receive these cues? Do you stop speaking? Speak louder?

I want us all to feel nourished by being heard. Being heard is validating and also healing. When we receive recognition, care, and conscious presence from another we feel less lonely, less isolated, and more, well, alive.

Try this:

Make a list of those in your life who give you the gift of authentic, true listening, where reciprocity and attentiveness reign. Next to these names write a few notes about how you feel when you are with them. These characteristics can now become your guide as you discover nurturing listening-centered relationships.

Returning to Your Center

2009-08-28T21:29:00.000-07:00

Returning to Center, wax painting, 6" x 6"

Where is your center located? This isn't a trick question and there are no "right" answers. When I ask my clients where they feel their center is located, they often place their hands on their solar plexus or belly. I've also had a few clients place their hands on their hips or low back or even their heart.

Put in another way, where do you feel your core resides? Your core may be interpreted as that balancing element inside you that gives you feedback when something is "off kilter"? Sometimes you feel this area only when things feel off--when you get that itchy wool sweater feeling all over. I find that when I am centered and balanced my body, mind, and life in general run smoothly and the itchy sweater turns to satin.

So if you'd like to explore your inner center, first, scan your body to determine where your center resides. Allow whatever sensation, image, feeling, or thought come to you in determining this center place. Respect that tomorrow this center may change location for you. That's okay. For now, this is where you feel it.

Now, place your hand on this center point, this area that seems to be the source of your balance and equilibrium, your sense of safety and certainty. Make gentle contact with this area and breathe into it, giving it a bit more life--and giving you a bit more awareness of it. What happens when you access your core in this way? Do you feel more secure and balanced or does tapping into this area bring you some anxiety? If you do feel some anxiety, remember to tap in to your breath again, allowing slow, deep belly breathing to calm you.

If you feel like like taking this exercise a bit further, try giving this area of your body some issues for feedback. Think of a life issue you are struggle with (or an issue you are just curious about). Keep contact with and breath work at your core as you try on this issue like you are putting on a jacket. How does your center respond? Does it absorb the problem, deflect it, nurture it, churn it up, or transform it? What sensations and feelings emerge? Does this issue make you feel like toppling over or do you feel strong like the roots of a tree?

And ultimately, how might returning to your center on a regular basis help during moments of stress, dis-ease, or confusion? How might this area of your body help you regain balance and feel inner peace?

Finding Ourselves Again

2009-08-17T11:27:00.000-07:00

altered image of The Tender Secret, mixed media collage

Today a friend reminded me that many of us struggle with our changing identity: who we once were can bump up against who we embody today. There are aspects of ourselves that we wish to bring back or bring forth, or there are new traits that we wish to cultivate in order to feel authentic. Sometimes we can manifest a feeling of "losing ourselves" during times of change -- when having children, getting married/partnered, aging, moving to a new home, struggling with illness, immersing ourselves in our jobs, etc.

When our lives change, we change with the current. We are quite adaptive creatures! But what in ourselves do we want to preserve so we don't feel lost or alone or uncertain when we're riding along with the current of our lives? (By the way, these things we wish to preserve need not have "shoulds" attached to them.) Begin by asking yourself what is restless, lonely, uncertain, scary, or strange and then ask yourself, "What will make me feel like me again?" or "What missing piece is needed so I can shine?"

This excerpt from my Body Cards book aims to help with the process of reclaiming some part of yourself that has gotten lost in the murky waters of your life.

SACRUM

Location: Often referred to as the “tail bone,” the sacrum is located at the base of the spine, made of approximately five fused vertebrae, which form the back wall of the pelvis.

Function: The sacrum joins the illium bones (or the top part of the pelvis) to form the sacroiliac joint on both sides of the lower back, allowing the trunk of our body to bend, twist, and turn.

Unique Fact: The name “sacrum” comes from the Latin “sacer,” which is a translation of the Greek word “hieron,” which means sacred or strong bone.

Associated Chakra: Sacral (2nd Chakra)

What makes the sacrum so sacred? Across many cultures and throughout time, people have viewed the sacrum as a “holy bone.” In some cultures, an animal’s sacrum was offered as part of animal sacrifices. And as it so happens, the sacrum is one of the last bones of the body to decompose; because of the sacrum’s long life and resiliency, some cultures believed that the sacrum allowed people to return from the dead. It’s inspiring to imagine a sacrum bone as a seed, re-growing the pelvis, adding muscles and ligaments, and eventually forming the whole human body! What is sacred in you that could be resurrected from an idle or dormant place?

If the sacrum is unearthed from your cards today, it may be time to resurrect some part of yourself that you’ve buried. Perhaps there is a part of you—your playful side, your creative side, or your spiritual side?—that used to see the light of day, but out of fear or boredom or self-consciousness, you threw a heap of dirt on it. It could be that this aspect of yourself is just what you need right now in your current situation. The Second Chakra, also called the Sacral or Reproductive Chakra, is all about the creative life force. It could be, too, that some creative action, expression, or problem-solving is needed now. It may be the perfect time for whatever it is that you’ve kept deep inside to emerge after a long hibernation sleep. Celebrate its return and give it a new, splendid life.

Try This:

Cats & Dogs Yoga. To keep the sacral / low back area flexible, do some cats & dogs yoga. Get down on your hands and knees and slowly (and gently) move from the cat position (back hunched and head tucked under) to the dog position, back arched and head tilted back.
The Color Orange: Wear the color orange intentionally, particularly around your sacral area to activate this creative area. So yes, that means wear orange underwear!
List characteristics of yourself in the present. What do you do now? What personae do you embody? Now make a list of characteristics of yourself you used to embody. After making your lists, circle the aspects of both lists that you like -- the ones that make you feel authentic, true, and vibrant. See if you can cultivate these characteristics a bit more in your life.

Holding Hope, Feeling Empathy

2009-08-13T23:19:00.001-07:00

Holding Hope When the Sky is Falling, 16" x 20" encaustic painting

This art piece above used to look a little different than it does now. It was more plain in the older version -- just the crow and the tree. Quite barren looking. I created this piece when my father was sick with kidney cancer in 2008. I was feeling the cool, dark remnants of winter, even though spring had just begun. I was feeling the fear and sadness of impending loss. And it did feel like the sky was falling.

But I do remember quite distinctly how much hope I held in my being, not only for my dad, but for the peace of my entire family. I felt like I was the gatekeeper of hope, and I allowed my heart to embrace both the upturns and low, low downturns. I felt everything--every nuance of my dad's process, every stifled (or expressed) thought or feeling family members exuded. And then there was my own heart beating for everyone -- or trying to.

I imagine that there has been a time (or several times) in your life when you felt as though the sky was falling--when there seemed to be just too much all at once for one person to handle. During these times it is easy to want to shut off the healing energy of the heart because we want to protect ourselves or "be strong" for others.

I wrote this piece below (it's from a work in progress called Body Cards) especially for those of us who live with a strong heart of empathy and hope.

STERNUM

Location: In the center of the chest and articulates with the clavicle bones and first seven pairs of ribs.

Function: The sternum, or breastbone, serves to protect the heart, lungs, and main blood vessels from physical damage.

Unique Fact: During cardiac surgery, the sternum is sometimes cut open to gain access to the heart.

Associated Chakra: Heart (4th Chakra)

The strong sternum bone provides a layer of protection for those all-important ingredients of your body: your lungs and heart and major blood vessels. On an emotional level, the breastbone is often a place where we place our hand when we are moved or in some way affected emotionally. It is here on our chest where we can feel our own (or another’s) heartbeat and the rhythm of our breathing. The sternum bone can feel like a powerful center for connecting with our own feelings or the feelings of others, for it is here where we often feel love and affection for another. And during our grief process, our heart chakra often emits a tremendous amount of energy as we feel our losses deeply.

The Sternum Card appears to remind you that your heart is always protected. It reminds you that you can feel deeply and you will not crumble into a million pieces. If you have been resisting your body’s call to feel love, grief, joy, or sadness, this may be time to take the risk and let the emotions come. When we hold our emotions tightly in our chest, we trap them there to live constricted, unexpressed lives. When we hold in our feelings, we may feel tightness in our chests and lack of full breath. It can feel like a risk to feel deeply, but the message of the sternum is that of safety and protection. And showing your emotions to another can feel exposing and intense. But it can also be intensely satisfying and freeing. What feelings are pulsing in your chest at your sternum, waiting to be released? Place your hand on your breastbone, feel the powerful pulse of your heart, and ask yourself what emotions are ready to become known.

Try this:

Tap your sternum lightly to a one-two-three waltz beat to activate and help open the heart chakra. Tap away to your heart's content until you feel a little shift in your awareness.

Find a safe, comfortable place to relax and close your eyes. Imagine there is a beautiful pink rose in the center of your chest. It is radiant and glowing and warm. As you inhale you see the rose petals open to reveal the inner petal colors, and as you exhale you watch the petals softly close. Continue to watch this rose open and close, open and close until you notice your breathing feels easy and your chest is full and open.

Interview about Art and Healing

2009-08-05T12:16:00.001-07:00

A Healing Hand, encaustic, 8" x 10"

A few weeks ago my friend and writing group comrade Tanya Ruckstuhl-Valenti, a Seattle-based clinical social worker, interviewed me about how I see art as a healing force in my life.

To view the interview, click here:

http://seattletherapist.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/art-and-healing-courtney-putnam/

I just noticed that she has just posted a great interview with best-selling author Amy Bloom as well, so please check out Tanya's Trauma Blog for more thoughtful goodies: http://seattletherapist.wordpress.com/

Summer Special: Flight

2009-08-03T13:32:00.000-07:00

My goodness, we are well into summer and I've yet to virtually announce my summer special. I am delighted by this throat-chakra, bird-loving two-hour experience and I hope you do, too. Here are the details:

Summer Special: Flight

This summer, embrace the gifts of the throat chakra -- the chakra for creativity, communication, and expression. With an open throat chakra, imagine yourself speaking your truth, living with authenticity, and like a bird, light and graceful, taking off and manifesting your dreams...

This two-hour special includes the following flight-inducing experiences:

• Sip some throat-opening tea, while the warm, moist heat of a Bucky heat wrap surrounds your neck and shoulders.

• While absorbing the warmth, you will take a throat chakra questionnaire aimed at revealing areas you may wish to explore.

• You will then receive a Bird Signs card reading for wisdom from our feathered friends.

• After this reflective time, you will receive a thirty-minute massage focused on your neck, shoulders, and head to help release physical tension.

• Finally, you will receive a reading of your throat chakra and a thirty-minute Reiki session to help open the throat for clear and meaningful expression.

Cost: $130. Credit cards accepted.
Gift certificates available.

Call or email to schedule your appointment:
(206) 228-9124 or cputnam@rising-bird.com.

Blooming Fire, Fire Blooming

2009-07-24T16:48:00.001-07:00

Fire Abloom, mixed media collage, 5" x 6"

Today I had a session with the multi-gifted Karen Floyd of Design a Better Life. Karen helped me with navigating the themes, obstacles, and intricacies of my personal life and my life as an entrepreneur. She conducted a powerful reading, which revealed areas where my strengths lie and areas for which I have room to grow.

The whole experience was enlightening -- or rather, full of light. I felt revelation after revelation -- in my body and mind -- as I encountered my obstacles, uncovered my gifts, and learned where I can empower myself to be authentic and true to myself as a healing and creative one-woman show. We re-framed negative thinking, re-imagined a different way of seeing and being, and acknowledged my gifts in a productive way.

One thing I will share with you from the session has to do with re-framing. I have always been told that I am too sensitive and too quiet. These two descriptions have been little cactus prickles in my side. I think it's the "too" part that has felt punishing. So Karen came up with a way to re-frame these gifts. She said, "What if you called yourself available and aware instead of quiet and sensitive? They're both true." She continued, "and your gifts are in your ability to be available and open to people and your keen (and sensitive) awareness of others (and of yourself) " I sighed a big ah-ha and watched her cat (who was joining in on the session) roll onto his back.

That was just one of many ah-ha moments with Karen today. If you are wanting to explore your life and your work in a safe, intuitive, and creative setting, I encourage you to see Karen (or at least visit her multi-faceted website).

I left feeling full and light at the same time, knowing the next steps I need to take to make a leap in my business and to feel more grounded in my life.

The art piece above is my artistic representation of what transformations I see in myself as a result of the session. There is a fire blooming inside of me, ready to take off as creative abundance; there is warmth for those around me in my healing work; and the fire helps me nurture my own heart as I grow and heal myself.

One Way to Re-Assemble Yourself

2009-07-23T11:13:00.000-07:00

Regaining Strength, mixed media, 6" x 8"

So what do you do when you've been metaphorically pooped on? (BTW, thanks to my friend Kristen for that phrase.) What do you do when someone is unkind to you, uproots the ground you're standing on, makes you question something about yourself that, prior to the encounter, you felt quite good about?

This is what I do: I put myself back together by creating art. Well, to be honest, first I cry a little (or a lot) and allow myself to feel off-kilter for a while. I feel sad, I get mad, I become very existential in my thinking and really think about the issues, and then I become so exhausted that I take a nap in the heat of the day with my two cats flanking my sweating body.

Then I try walking. When I feel stuck, I move. Physically move. So I "walked it off" a little, but I still felt the negativity in my gut, stewing away.

And when the walking and talking and crying are over, I create art. The piece above was my way of dealing with an encounter that unnerved me this week. I was feeling stuck just talking about it, and certainly with letting it rot in my mind and body, causing a big stomach ache yesterday. So I put myself back together with some found images and watercolor crayons.

I identified what I wanted to feel again -- strong, open (but safe in this openness), confident, and clear. And I identified the chakras that I felt were affected by this upsetting encounter: my third eye, throat, solar plexus, and root chakras. I made these chakras strong, circular, and radiant. And I added two protective bird guardians to remind me of my support system when moments in life go awry.

I hope that you don't get squashed by someone's (perhaps unintentional, but toxic) words, but if you do, I advocate what I now call "Re-Assembling Art." Put yourself back together with images and paint and pens and found objects and whatever else you are called to use. You are whole, but may not always feel like it. Return to that feeling of wholeness and show yourself how strong you are through image-making. Re-assemble the parts you feel been have tattered or broken or smeared or smothered or blown apart--and begin to shine again.

Metaphorical Currents

2009-07-06T20:47:00.000-07:00

Illuminated Flow, mixed media, 6" x 12"
(click image for larger view)

"When we close the door to our feelings, we close the door to vital currents that energize and activate our thoughts and actions."
-- Gary Zukov, The Seat of the Soul

This past weekend, I ventured up to my family cabin in the mountains and soaked (literally and metaphorically) in the American River. Whenever I spend a significant time around water, I seem to swim more deeply in the realm of emotions. I become more emotionally-centered. I pay close attention to how I am feeling. I begin to feel more authentic. Now, in my regular, every-day, going to the grocery store life, I already live quite deeply in the emotional realm. It's the way I came: sensitive, emotional, empathetic, empathic. But there is something different, perhaps something transformative, that happens to me when I swim in the ocean or sit by a mountain river.

What happens is that I lose words. I lose the ability to specifically and authentically describe the beauty around me or the feelings inside that are soaking in this beauty. It does not seem adequate to say that the river is gorgeous. Or that I feel free. Yes, those are starts, but they don't encapsulate what I mean. They don't feel complete -- or completely whole.

So instead of finding language for my emotions, I made them into art, like the art piece above. I used color and texture and gesture to express my mood. And then I began to think about how creating metaphors can be equally as potent. Instead of the river being "wonderful" and my feeling "nostalgic," I realized that the river was "a vein flowing to my heart where my father lives."

In Mari Messer's lively book Pencil Dancing: New Ways to Free Your Creativity, she writes: "You don't have to name a feeling to experience it consciously. You can meet a feeling on its own muddy ground by creating a metaphor that uses a figure of speech to describe it." By creating art and constructing spontaneous metaphors on this mountain adventure, I was able to go deeper and understand myself more clearly. I became more visible to myself. More attuned.

Messer also writes: "Metaphor preserves and explores your feelings without turning them into a concept. Metaphor eliminates the middleman from your translation queue so the flavors of your feelings are not filtered. It gets you out of the mind-set that you that you have to know everything in an intellectual way. You don't. In fact, scientist and writer Rachel Carson said, 'It's not half so important to know as to feel.'"

So I didn't have to analyze the fact that the river made me miss my father, I could just jump to feeling it and in just feeling it came understanding. Using the imagination takes the how and why out of the equation. Image and metaphor are all about who and what and where. The creative mind cuts to the core of emotion and makes the feelings come alive through images and creative language.

During my image-making and creative play in the mountains, I began to think about how I use metaphor and imagery during my healing sessions with my clients. Sometimes a feeling word is just the tip of the iceberg. The word anger is a start, but what does it look like or feel like in the body? Or what about neck pain? To say that it is painful doesn't actually say very much. But to describe it as a barbed wire coil tightening at the base of your skull is much more potent -- and real. I can feel that. Pain comes in so many forms. Is the pain emotional or physical? And what does it look like, feel like, taste like, sound like?

Try this:

Next time you find yourself saying/thinking/feeling an abstract emotion, honor that word and then take it to a deeper place. Understand its intricacies through image and metaphor. What does your sadness taste like? What does your hamstring pull look like from the inside of your body? Messer writes that creativity "is the ability to cause other people to experience what you saw, heard, tasted, and felt." Share what you experience with others, but give them the fantastic imaginative versions. The ones that reveal your authentic self. When your partner asks, "How was your day today," resist the temptation to say "fine" or "okay." Maybe you tell him/her, "My day was a donkey on speed with a hint of paprika and I feel like a metal yo-yo singing."

Hand + Struck = Manifest

2009-06-28T21:28:00.000-07:00

Manifestation, encaustic, 6" x 6"

I'm on a manifestation kick these days. I'm not really sure what I mean by that, actually, but I think I mean I am manifesting quite a lot lately and I'd like to know what it is I am actually doing.

(BTW, I love starting posts by declaring that I don't really know what I am talking about. Seriously, it takes the pressure off right from the beginning. No performance anxiety or worry about trying to be an "expert." Try it yourself! I'll bet you'll find yourself feeling calmer. I give you permission to start off knowing little of what you are talking about. Really!)

So, with an open, slightly tired mind, I started my exploration with online definitions of the word manifestation to get my tricycle wheels rolling.

One definition of manifestation (my favorite definition by far) is the following:

"The embodiment of an intangible or variable thing." (Wiktionary)

I like the intangible part. Manifestation is taking something intangible and making it tangible. I suppose this blog post, then, is the embodiment of my thoughts about manifestation. So manifestation is about creating something visible from something invisible. Like my love could manifest as an embrace or my excitement could manifest as one-handed cartwheels. What happens when you embody glee and share it with someone? Or what about despair? The intangible is the emotion stirring inside and the tangible is the sharing of the feeling through some action or symbolic act or creation.

I looked up the etymology of the word manifest and discovered this little handy morsel:

manifest adj. — manifeste or L. manifestus, earlier manufestus, f. manus hand + festus struck (Encyclopedia.com)

Manifest = hand + struck, like fingers striking typewriter keys or hands molding clay or pen scratching paper. It's about making something real, tangible through some sort of creative action. And the "intangible thing" is often our imagination. It's where our dreams live -- our hopes and wishes and intentions.

Without these wishes and intentions, what are we to manifest? How is manifestation possible without imagination? How are we to transform a guitar riff in our head into music without our little imaginative muses working away inside us? Or what of the poem incubating in your heart or the love you wish to find in your life? Without imagination, dreams, and intentions, how are we to embody what we want in our lives?

And what of manifesting good health and well being? How do we do this? I think we do this in the same way we manifest an emotion as a painting. We imagine ourselves in good health, with calm hearts and minds, with lightness and joy, and we make these intentions visible. We paint them, draw them, state them, draw them on the bathroom mirror, walk them, stretch them, or share them with a friend. In all, we give them a chance to be real.

With your imagination, let your positive intentions be possible. Remember that manifest = hand + struck. This is creation. Act as if they are true. Say them as if they are true: I am healthy, strong, and vibrant. I am creative, open, and empathetic. Embody your dreams. Wear them like cloaks and walk around in them. Add sequins if you want. Just as the sequins attract the light, I believe you will attract what you wish to manifest.

Quietly Grandiose

2009-06-20T19:23:00.000-07:00

During my Hawaii adventure, I had the opportunity to connect on a energetic (and emotional) level with some powerful animals. The picture below shows me giving Reiki to green sea turtles who loved to visit Maui's rocky edge at twilight. They lifted their heads, flipped their bodies over and flapped their limbs. On this particular evening, I stood as close as I could to the ocean and offered my hands of healing to them.

In all honesty, I was actually looking for some healing energy myself. My mom and I made it a ritual to watch the turtles at sunset each evening and I found it therapeutic to be in the presence of these creatures I could barely see in in the twilight's shadows. Each night my mother and I thanked these sea turtles for their presence, wisdom, and good spirit before saying goodnight.

These ancient beings gave me something -- some sense of groundedness, something that I still can't quite grasp. In some ways, I felt the strength and wisdom of my dad in these turtles. Or that's what I was searching for on those evenings sitting with my mother. I was searching for the missing piece: my dad. And further, my own sense of personal power and strength (characteristics my father embodied without his even knowing it).

On this particular night, with turtles active and attentive, I wanted to give something back.

While standing on my little jagged lava rock, waves splashing at my feet as the tide was coming in, several turtles seemed to move closer, curious about this being standing so still and so focused on them. They lifted their heads, dipped down, rolled over, and generally seemed to accept my energy. How do I know this? I don't really know, as in scientifically know, other than I felt it. I felt these turtles, these threatened species, take the energy I was offering through my hands. And I sensed this acceptance in my body like a wave splashing through my abdomen, filling my heart.

Even as this was a profound moment, I discovered I had a wish, a dream. I wanted 100 sea turtles to congregate at my feet, lifting their heads in unison, taking in the Reiki energy (like that scene in the film Whale Rider when Pia, the 11-year old girl, herds a pod of whales on her own) and then thanking me by doing a synchronized turtle dance.

This did not happen. And I'm not sure synchronized turtle dances happen, except maybe in Disney movies.

But my awareness of my fantasy made me realize how small moments can be so powerful. Sure, 100 turtles performing just for me would be astounding, but why do I need this huge gesture? The small gestures, the small movements and feelings of that evening were actually quite huge. I was opening myself up, raw and sometimes teary-eyed, to these turtles whose ancestors lived over 150 million years ago. (As my partner told me over the phone from Seattle, "Now that's some wisdom they got there.")

And then I began to think of how grandiose-centric we can become in our thinking and imagining, when maybe the amazing, the deep, the profound is right under our nose. Right now in the moment we are living.

Why do we want bigger and better and faster when in a 15-minute period in Hawaii in 2009 a human woman with a barely three million year-old lineage is making a connection with a creature whose tribe has reminded unchanged for 150 million years. Now that's astounding!

So this realization began to open me up to the quietly grandiose all around me. As twentieth century physician Thomas Lewis wrote, "Statistically, the probability of any one of us being here is so small that you'd think the mere fact of existing would keep us all in a contented dazzlement of surprise."

Imagine what would happen if you took this probability to heart and found amazement everywhere?

Try this:

What in your daily life, that you might normally see/feel as simple, mundane, or plain, is actually grandiose? How can you turn something "normal" to dazzling in your mind? Find something for which you'd like to feel differently. A relationship, a home, a workplace, a companion animal, an art piece. See if you can look at it and examine it deeply to see the hidden gem inside, the little surprise that makes you feel bodily contentment (like the frothy wave feeling in my stomach). See if you even find yourself delighted by the small things--the things in your life that usually flutter by. Catch those little flutterers. Take them into your arms and see who or what they really are.

Jostling with the Waves

2009-06-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

One therapeutic aspect of being in the warm Pacific waters is what I call the "letting go and tumbling" effect. For some, tumbling in the surf may not seem like much fun, but for me, a longtime body surfer and wave navigator, allowing my body to tumble in the surf is a great pleasure.

For one thing, allowing the waves' unpredictable movements makes me let go. I cannot control how my body will move in the surf. So any bodily patterns I have so strongly established become jostled and tumbled and smoothed away by the deep, mysterious currents and salty rollers.

As an experiment one day as I was floating around in the ocean, I decided to see how much I could let go. I chose a spot that was shallow (a little "baby beach" spot on Napili Bay) and allowed the waves to move me however they pleased. I felt like a seal rolling about. My body moved in all directions and I tried to keep my muscles soft and available for whatever direction the ocean wished me to go.

(BTW, isn't there a practice of relaxing your muscles if you are going to fall so you don't hurt yourself? This is the same idea.) In a calm, safe part of the sea, allow yourself to be soft and surrender to the teachings of the ocean.

Softness can be difficult to achieve. Most of us don't do daily ocean tumbling practices. So much of our day consists of muscle positioning and guarding. We pose, protect, hold on tight, stay strong, and stay rigid. What a lesson in letting go to allow little warm waves to gently stir me up.

Allowing clients to feel this stirring up sensation is one reason why I often incorporate jostling in my massage sessions. I love to jostle clients' legs and arms in particular. By doing so, the muscles cannot stay in a rigid place of predictability. (They can try for a period of time and then they must let go.)

The muscles don't know where I will take them, how fast, and for how long. The body must surrender to the jostling, just as my body did in the ocean waves. My arms and legs lifted and opened and closed and twisted; my back arched; and my head dipped.

And I felt, in a way, reborn.

Try this:

It is not very effective to jostle yourself (although certain erratic movements can give you a similar effect), so find a partner with which to practice. Take turns gently moving each other's arms and legs up and down, in circles, etc. and see if you can feel your partner letting go, surrendering to your process.

And now that we are edging our way into summer, if you have a nice, soft beach to play in, feel free to do a little wavy jostling in the lake or ocean. Find a safe and comfortable place to let the water move you. Even if you just stand in the water up to your waist and allow the little waves to gently toss you about, you will be feeling the effects of letting go of control.

Alphabet Intentions, Part II

2009-06-04T23:58:00.000-07:00

So the best part about setting the Alphabet Intentions is to finish your day with a little reflection on your words. At least this is my favorite part. And the key is that if you didn't resonate with one of your words during the day, you are allowed. There are no rules here. Intentions aren't about rules.

As a Reiki practitioner, I set an intention for each session I give. I set an intention for the highest healing good for the person I am working with. The intention I set in my session is more general and BIG ("highest healing good" is like having tea with the Buddha).

For your own intention setting, it can be meaningful to create specific intentions--ones that you can hold on to like a string of beads or a stone in your pocket.

And for my personal daily intentions, I find it affirming to see how I've interacted with my words of intentions. For example, I'll reflect on my words as they relate to today:

Safe: I went snorkeling on Napili Bay today with my mom and we encountered the most enormous turtle I have ever seen. I was three feet from him. He was well over 500 pounds and half the size of a hippo! The current kept pushing me closer to him (and the coral rocks nearby) making for a bit of an anxious encounter. Even with this sense of overwhelm and awe and strong current, I calmed myself by tuning into the strong, wise energy of the turtle and felt safe. I was able to move a distance away from the rocks to watch these huge creatures (there were actually two of them) eat seaweed and algae. The turtles were calm and felt safe with odd-looking creatures staring at them (people in snorkel gear do look like alien creatures, I think), so why shouldn't I?

See: Birds! This afternoon while I was on our lanai giving my mom a Hawaiian Oracle card reading, about 20 birds perched on the railings and roof edges to watch. They clearly weren't begging for food (we had already eaten lunch) and had no food out with us. It felt like a blessing to feel seen by them and for me to see them in a thankful way. We stopped our reading to take them all in -- in all their marvelous colors and shapes--before they flew off for other observations.

Soft: Today softness came in the form of feelings of forgiveness. There was a moment when I could have easily been hard on myself, but I instead breathed my way into being soft on myself, breathing in forgiveness.

Serene: I usually feel serene in increments. Today, I felt a steady stream of sereneness. I woke up with a slow Maui "go-with-the-flow" feeling and decided to ride with that. When one beach wasn't a fit, we moved to the next. No timeline. No fuss. Just us.

Sigh: Oh how helpful it is to sigh! Do you sigh often? Sometimes I think sighs are misinterpreted (I know that I sometimes confuse my partner's sigh with exasperation when he's really just tired or just breathing.) Sighing is good for the body. Notice how your shoulders drop when you sigh. So, today I sighed whenever I felt like it. I sighed a lot after the turtle encounter for sure!

That felt quite satisfying to reflect on my intentions. I feel like I now inhabit these intentions much more consciously having written about them. I wonder what new intentions will come tomorrow....

Let me know how it goes for you!

(Note: the picture above is a drawing in the sand of the sea turtle I saw--life size--with me face-planted in the sand for perspective)

Alphabet Intentions

2009-06-04T15:34:00.000-07:00

Aloha from Maui, Healing Nesters!
I've been meaning to post here sooner (sorry for my blogging lapse!), and yet all of my blog ideas have remained in my sandy, warped-paged beach notebook. I guess I'm feeling like letting loose my ideas now. Snap on your seatbelts because I feel a flow of Healing Nest blog energy coming your way! Here we go!

While here in Hawaii, I have been playing with some simple art supplies and producing a few art pieces in between swimming with the fishies and searching for sea turtles (I have yet to see one eye-to-eye, but I'm on the lookout).

This piece above was a meditation on my five "S's" for the day: safe, see, soft, serene, and sigh.

Have you ever done this?

This is what I do: in the morning, I chose a letter and decide to attribute five intentions for my day that begin with that letter. For instance, yesterday, I chose "C" and I wrote down (this time not in an art piece): clear, calm, celebratory, centered, and creative.

I find that creating a little structure around intentions can bring about little surprises. I discover words that I wouldn't have thought of, but they indeed fit my wishes for my day.

What are the five words for your day? Chose a letter at random and get them down on paper or include them in an art piece!

Call of the Rooster

2009-05-21T20:42:00.000-07:00

One of my very favorite divination decks (surprise, surprise) is Bird Signs: Guidance & Wisdom from Our Feathered Friends by G.G. Carbone and Mary Ruzicka.

Instead of my usual process of spreading out the cards, meditating on an idea, and picking a card, I just opened the interpretive book looking for courage.

I knew there had to be a bird that represents courage in some way. Lo and behold Mr. Rooster popped off the page on page 102 cock-a-doodle-doo-ing at me.

I've been thinking about courage a lot lately, especially as it relates to the small acts of courage we all experience or encounter on a daily basis. (Now there is BIG Courage with a capital C, and many of us know what those experiences are like, too, but I want to focus on the little acts of courage we engage in every day.)

And the thing is, we don't know each others' struggles. We really have no idea what courage it took for someone else to get out of bed in the morning and make it to work or show up at a social gathering or eat dinner alone in a restaurant. For instance, it can take courage for me to be the center of attention. When I know that I am the focus (or that my art is the focus) I need to take a deep breath and say to myself, "this is just a little fear caterpillar crawling in, just a creepy crawly that likes to undermine my confidence."

According to Bird Signs, the message of Rooster is "Courage means acknowledging your fear." Carbone writes that "Rooster calls you to have courage to face the day. Remember that facing a fear is a huge accomplishment; you don't have to do anything other than have courage. When you have courage, fear has no power over you."

To tap into the Rooster energy, Carbone suggests being an early bird once in a while: "To tap into Rooster wisdom, glean knowledge during the predawn hours." Apparently Roosters are sensitive to infrared light, which is why "Rooster sees the morning rays almost an hour earlier than we do...."

Learn to see like Rooster (which is essentially seeing in the dark). Name what's in the darkness. One thing that I've noticed is that fear doesn't like being named. It loves to be mysterious and unclear, like nighttime, so we're walking around in a thick fog of icky feelings. One act of courage is in naming.

So, name the unknown. Feel the fear in your body, describe it (is it like a bowling ball in your gut or like wispy feathers on the back of your neck?), and feel how your courage gives you strength like Rooster's boisterous morning call. Cock-a-doodle-doo!

Discovering the Full-Body Ah-Ha!

2009-05-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

Inner Knowing, mixed media collage, 8" x 10"

According to Shakti Gawain (in her book Developing Intuition), 'The surest and most reliable way to know whether you are following your intuition is that whenever you do so, you feel more alive!"

I have absolutely found this to be so. When I am in tune with my body and trust in what I feel (you know, those nice "gut feelings" that kick in), I feel more vibrant, alert, and clear. Sometimes I even experience a full-body "ah-ha!" It's like being in pure alignment or flowing along with the current instead of against it.

Gawain continues:

"When you are listening to you intuitive feelings and acting on them, you keep your channel open so the life force can keep flowing. You literally have more energy moving through you. When you don't pay attention to your intuition, or go against it, you may find that you feel a certain heaviness, lack of energy, a kind of deadness. This is because the life force is trying to come through and move you in a certain way, and it is being blocked."

I can think of several times in my life when I went against the flow or current of my inner wisdom--when my body said "no, this isn't right," but I did something anyway. Or when my whole being lit up with "yes, do this!" and yet out of fear I stifled this feeling and was left with lethargy and disappointment.

My belief is that trusting yourself and your inner wisdom comes directly from body awareness. I think we must bypass the mind in order to feel the sensations in our being and to listen to the messages our body conveys to us. The mind is so powerful that it can override any body system (that's why we can experience panic when there is actually no real threat to our safety).

So try dropping into your body as you are learning to trust yourself. I believe your body does have the answers. What you feel from the inside can guide you in ways you never thought possible. What is that rumbling in your belly about? Or that twinge in your low back? Sink into it, enter it with your senses and find out.

(In my next post, I will explore this inner searching more specifically as I report on the amazing Focusing for Bodyworkers WorkshopI attended last week with Jack Blackburn. Stay tuned.)

You Know (Really, you do!)

2009-05-04T10:47:00.000-07:00

I found the perfect phrase the other day and it is written on the lovely magnet above. This magnet is a PaPaYa! creation by the inspiring artist Anahata Katkin.

What I mean by "perfect" is that this phrase illuminates something very dear to my heart, which is my belief that you know yourself the best.

As a healing professional, I find that sometimes people want me to tell them who they are, what they feel, and who they should become. (I've wanted this with healers I have seen, too! It feels so much easier than sludging through my own muck to discover these things myself!) The truth is, I don't know the answers. And the reason I don't know is that you know yourself better than I do (or anyone else for that matter). It's true!

I do have intuitive gifts, empathic intuition being one of them, and I do sense energy and images and ideas do pop into my head when I am with clients. Sometimes I share these things and other times I keep them to myself. But what I don't do is tell clients who they are. They already know that. And if they are struggling with their identity, I help them on their path to discovery.

I see myself as a gatekeeper for others' personal growth. A guide. A facilitator. A barometer. A mirror. An echo. A safety net.

One idea that has come to me so strongly over the last few weeks is that I know myself the best because I have lived my life and each encounter, event, feeling is recorded in my cells. It may be difficult to access these things, but they do live in my body. I have everything I need in my very own body and mind! I may need some guidance in my process of understanding what I feel, but I am complete just as I am.

When I realized this about myself the other day, it felt like a revelation. Ah-ha! Holy moly: I have everything I need to know! I felt like I wanted to dance naked in the streets! Or flirt with sunflowers!

It is my belief that "you always know," just as the magnet says. Now, you may not know you know, but you do indeed know (is that too confusing?).

Let me put it another way: your body is the encyclopedia to you. It is also the instruction manual, the tarot card deck, the dictionary, the wikipedia entry, and the recipe. What happens when you open to the instruction manual chapter on "how to be myself"? What does your body have to tell you?

Your Twelve Signs

2009-04-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

Twelve Signs, encaustic, 8" x 10"
(click image for larger size)

I had a super-duper-fantastic day of "arting" today. For eight hours I stoked the fires of my creative spirit and I created several new encaustic pieces. The piece above is one of my new creations. If you click on the image to enlarge it, you'll notice that the following text appears below the yoga girl poses: "12 signs you're on the right path."

As is often the case in my creative process, I didn't quite understand this piece at first. What does this yoga routine have to do with being on the right path? As I meditated on this piece, I began to feel the connection--and I felt it in my body as if were doing the cobra stretch.

Walking down a path requires movement, action, motion--like yoga or walking or jumping on a trampoline. But how do you know that you're on the right path? The path that fits you and supports your dreams, goals, visions, and purpose? Often the feeling of "rightness," or what I like to call resonance, manifests as feelings and bodily sensations. When we resonate with something or someone, our body lets us know. The trick is to learn to listen to these signs, to recognize them, and to name them.

So I asked myself those very questions and decided to make my own list of the 12 signs--signs that come from my very own body--that I am on the right path with an issue or aspect of my life:

1. I feel inspired and motivated.
2. I feel excited, but not anxious in my belly.
3. My feet feel grounded to the earth.
4. I feel open in my heart and act compassionately toward myself.
5. I am able to articulate my thoughts and feelings honestly and genuinely.
6. My throat is clear and open.
7. My pelvis and low back are relaxed.
8. I get goosebumps.
9. I feel safe and protected.
10. I am able to take full, deep breaths.
11. A sense of freedom gives my chest an open feeling.
12. I smile more often.

What are the twelve signs that YOU are on the right path? Feel free to share your list in the comments box!

"Letting Go" Series

2009-04-15T14:41:00.000-07:00

My participants and I pose holding our drawings

Last night was my last "Learning to Let Go" workshop in this four-part series. What a lovely conclusion to this workshop experiment! In this final workshop, I incorporated some expressionistic drawing. After doing some deep belly breathing and scanning our bodies, we chose a part of the body that needed some attention. Then, with crayons, we drew what this part of the body felt like to us. Was it sticky, dry, hot, cool, pinched, open, scattered, focused?

Then we did some guided meditation with hot basalt river stones placed on our bodies and also some chakra opening exercises.

We then revisited our drawings at the conclusion of the workshop, adding and/or changing aspects to our drawings based on shifts that occurred during our meditations.

Here is my drawing:

In this piece I was focusing on what my anxiety feels like in my chest. The saturated red running top to bottom is the raw feeling and the red stars are like sparks that reverberate out and create anxiety in the rest of the body. After some deep breathing and meditation work, I revisited my piece and created a cool, blue opening that also radiated out, helping to soothe the hot, uncomfortable red spots. I am going to visualize that cool blue opening from now on whenever I feel my anxiety running through me like hot lava.

Try this:

Visually depict your bodily discomfort through art-making. This creating is not meant to be "good." Instead, it's expressionistic, messy, and full of personal symbolism. Once you have depicted this pain on paper, do something physical: deep breathing, walking, jumping up and down, meditating, doing yoga, primal screaming, drinking water, etc. Now return to your drawing to see if anything has shifted in this area of your body. Is there an opening that wasn't there before, as I experienced with my piece?

Spring Special: Blossom

2009-04-09T10:49:00.001-07:00

I gave my first two-hour "Blossom" special last night. It was delightful to witness my client discover the powerful blossoming energy inside her, making room for new growth in her life. As the flowers bloom and grow this season, so should we!

You begin the session by sipping hibiscus-citrus iced tea and enjoying a fruity snack while your feet absorb the warmth of a flower-infused foot spa.

During this quiet time, you will receive your very own journal and an "Inner Blossom" writing exercise.

Following this relaxing, meditative time, you will receive a reading of your solar plexus chakra (the seat of your personal power) accompanied by Reiki to soothe and open this chakra. The session concludes with a one-hour massage to release tension and stress, making room for positive growth and blossoming possibilities in your own life.

Cost: $125. Gift certificates available.

(206) 228-9124 • cputnam@rising-bird.com

Energy Fairies and Energy Gremlins: Oh, my!

2009-03-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

"If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there the whole while waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living." -Joseph Campbell

Right now I am sipping a cup of goji berry green tea and Stanley the dog is warming my feet by talking a nap on them. My friend Kristen is sitting on the adjacent couch eating apple slices with peanut butter and typing away on her laptop. I can breathe easily, clearly. My diaphragm is relaxed, my throat is open, my shoulders are unusually soft and lowered.

This is certainly a form of bliss. These Monday writing groups with Kristen energize me. They give me a three-hour period to write, to read, and to just be. I began today's writing session by reading a chapter called "Discovering the Essence" in Susan Zimmerman's Writing to Heal the Soul, and I found myself exploring what enlivens me and what drags me down.

Zimmerman writes, "What fills our cups? What soothes our anxiety? What helps us confront and accept the most difficult challenges in our lives? What gives us distance and perspective on our lives? What leaves us feeling drained and saddened? We owe it to ourselves to answer these questions, to name, and by naming to know, what feeds our hearts and minds and what starves them."

I love how Zimmerman writes that we owe it to ourselves to explore these questions. It's so easy to follow along the current of life without stopping to examine what really charges you and what makes you feel flat or chewed up or lackluster. There are unpleasant or draining tasks we must do as part of life, but we owe it to ourselves to notice when we are out of balance--when the gremlins come out of the shadows and zap the fairy light out of us.

Try this meditation:

Sit or lie down comfortably, breathing fully and deeply into your chest and belly. Imagine you are walking through the forest of your life. What does this forest look like? Is it lush and green with ferns or perhaps there are lots of conifer trees and a stream running through. Take a few moments to explore the environment around you. Now allow aspects of your life to surface. Perhaps people emerge in your forest--or objects or sounds. Think of a typical day in your life: what do you encounter on a daily basis? Allow these things to enter this forest.

Notice what things feel light and nourishing to you and what feels draining and depleting. Now imagine the times when little forest fairies bring you energy that nourishes you. These fairies know that you feel revitalized by a certain activity or encounter, so they put these things in your path, almost like rays of sunshine to light your way. In contrast, there are energy gremlins who pop out from the shadows once in a while. These gremlins gobble your energy up; they know what depletes you so they chomp away your sense of well being. Experience these two different energies in your body before slowly bringing yourself back to the room.

After this meditation, write about what you discovered. Feel free to free-write about your insights if you want a more free-form experience. For a more structured experience, divide a piece of paper in half and on one side write "Energy Fairies" and on the other write "Energy Gremlins." Start listing those things that give you bliss and those things that give you dread. When you are finished, notice if your "gremlin" list is longer than your "fairy" list. If so, how could you create more balance? And feel free to return to these lists when you feel like you are dragging a bit. Peek at that "fairy" list and chose something to do that will enliven you and lift your spirits.

Exposing the Chamelon to the Light

2009-03-22T19:09:00.000-07:00

I have recently discovered that a little chameleon lives inside me. She is great at tuning in to others, but she worries too much what others think. When she gets unclear and uncertain or nervous and self-conscious, she changes her color--sometimes several times--in order to feel safe and accepted. The chameleon fears criticism and is often unnerved if someone does not like her, sensitive creature that she is.

This chameleon, you see, has been with me since my early days on the playground at recess, and maybe even before that. She has been my protector in many ways, shielding me from potential hurt. But she is awfully tired these days and she has been asking me for a break. I think I am finally ready to give her a vacation (she's requested Mexico).

Do you ever feel one of these uber-adaptive reptiles crawling around inside of your mind?

In my journey to understand this ever-changing lizard, I looked to Wikipedia for some insight. According to Wikipedia, a chameleon's instinct to change color isn't just for camouflage:

"Some (but not all) chameleon species are able to change their skin colours. Different chameleon species are able to change different colours which can include pink, blue, red, orange, green, black, brown, yellow and turquoise. Recent research indicates that they do not typically change their colour for reasons of camouflage, but instead use colour changes as a method of communication, including to make themselves more attractive to potential mates."

Ah, so chameleons do as we do: they change themselves not to hide, but to be more pleasing to others! To varying degrees, I think we all possess this desire to be loved: we want to be accepted and even admired by others.

But how do we stay true to ourselves as we engage with this acceptance? And when is being just yourself--in your natural hue, so to speak--good enough? What happens when we choose true authenticity over the exhausting task of trying to please everyone?

And the big, mega, super-duper question becomes: who is my authentic self, anyway? Yikes. Seems a bit unmanageable, doesn't it? What I do know is that I can feel it when my authentic self is not very present. When my nerves take over, the authentic self gets foggy, ghostly, like it's been drugged.

Tonight I resurrected a poem I wrote in graduate school that speaks to the way the chameleon can take over, hiding the authentic self in layers of social constructs and shoulds.

THE PUPPET

It happens to you on occasion.
The Angel of the House approaches,
tangles your composure into a web of endless
yes’s and sure’s. Strings rise up
from the corners of your lips, produce
the smiles of clowns and dolls. Strings
pull at your limbs. I watch you lift
pots and pans you rarely do
and you can’t help it if you suddenly feel
outside yourself, commanded perhaps
by some force passed down generations:
your grandmother’s hand-woven potholders
and recipes for baked goods sold at bazaars
and county fairs. This is not your world.
No need to compare anymore. Don’t pretend
to love my Girl Scout craft day and talk
of matching dishes at bridal showers. I know you,
like me, would rather sit in the corner petting the dog.
I have never wanted this: your limbs attached
to strings, bent like sad stalks,
controlled like a puppet as I first noticed at four
when I swiped my hand over your head
checking for strings, when the expression
of false happiness hung from your cheeks
and I asked, “Where is my real mommy?”

Where is the real you? Is she standing tall and clearly visible, or is she hiding in the shadows with the chameleon?

Try this:

Think of times in your life when you felt you stepped out of your authentic self, even for a little moment, in order to conform to someone or something else. We all do this--and it is necessary. In order to be empathetic creatures, we must step into another person's reality and live there for a while in order to show compassion. Think of a time, though, when this chameleon-like behavior exhausted you and did not necessarily serve the person or situation for the better. Expose the chameleon through writing as I have done with this blog post. Give it a name and a personality. Explore how you interact with this lizard of the rainbow. How does it help you and when does it leave you feeling strained?

Image credit: http://www.chameleonproject.net/asabutcher/index.html

Learning to Let Go Workshops

2009-03-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

Are you interested in learning more about the delicate art of letting go? Please consider joining me for an evening (or two or four) of relaxing and releasing the tension and holdings in your body. These workshops are interactive and kinesthetic. You'll breathe, meditate, listen to music, contract and relax your muscles, stretch, learn ways to stop muscle guarding, and let go of the anxiety or worry that may be contributing to your daily stress. I hope to see you in a few weeks!

"Learning to Let Go" Workshop Series

Where: Rising Bird Healing Arts
When: Tuesday nights: March 24 &31; April 7 & 14, 2009; 7pm- 8:30pm
To Sign Up: Email cputnam@rising-bird.com
Cost: $15 per workshop (pay at each workshop)

Once a week for a month, we will learn the delicate art of letting go. On a daily basis we hold our muscles tightly, often without even noticing. We experience stress our muscles contract, and we don’t notice our shoulders are up to our ears. Muscle holding or guarding is one of the major contributors of aches and pains we experience in our bodies. That kind of holding, accompanied by short, shallow breathing can cause us to feel tight and depleted.

Part of the letting go process also involves releasing stress and any thoughts or emotions that contribute to our holding patterns. When we learn to recognize the triggers that contribute to our stress, we are able to adjust our bodies, breathe deeply, and avoid guarding ourselves against impending fear or worry.

In this workshop, we will engage in relaxation exercises, such as progressive muscle relaxation, breathing techniques, guided visualization, and others. In addition to tuning into our own body’s holdings, we will also learn to identify the holdings in each other. I will be participating and learning along with you in this process. Come prepared to relax, play, and let go with an open mind.

Please bring: A blanket or yoga mat and a pillow. Wear comfortable clothing for relaxing and moving.

Note: This series does build from one session to the next, but you are welcome to attend as many or as few that fit your schedule. Whether you attend just one or all four sessions, please do sign up with me prior to each workshop so I can plan my space accordingly. And feel free to bring a friend!

A Little Spotlight

2009-03-08T19:30:00.000-07:00

Hey there, everyone!

I've experienced a little spotlight of abundance that I would like to share with you. Those of you who have read my newsletter know this already, but for those of you who don't yet know, I have been included in this month's issue of Seattle Magazine! The March 2009 issue is the health and wellness issue and I was interviewed about Reiki. It's a little piece, with no big, glossy pictures (well, no pictures at all), but I was so honored to be chosen!

Here is my little spot in the sun:

(click image for a larger view)

I have been practicing Reiki for over seven years now and it feels powerful to honor the work I do by sharing it with others. Over the years I've realized that Reiki is not just something I do, but a way of being. To live in the way of Reiki is to see the interconnections between us all and to live with openness, awareness, and compassion. Univerisal Life Energy (or chi) is in all things, and to truly feel this on a daily basis is a gift that Reiki gives to me.

Winter 2009 Newsletter Has Hatched!

2009-03-04T20:50:00.000-08:00

Happy March, everyone.

March just makes me want to, well, march. Or at least walk. On one of my walks yesterday, I encountered full-blown purple crocuses! Spring is on its way and boy does that lift my spirits!

Walks have been important to me lately because I have been hard at work on the Winter 2009 issue of The Healing Nest Newsletter. Computer breaks kept me from melting into the computer screen or getting a rigid claw of a wrist from gripping the mouse. This newsletter ended up being a whopper -- ten pages long! Below I have included the contents of this artful, healthful issue, along with links to the full PDF version.

I am happy to bring you the fruits of my labor! Enjoy!

peace & crocus power,

Courtney

Winter 2009 Newsletter Contents

(To view/download the complete newsletter, click here.)

In this issue, you'll find...

Returning
What needs some attention? How can you respond to your mind/body/spirit in a way that will inspire, relax, and recharge you?

The Emotional Side of Bodywork
It was clear that my tension and holding was not purely a "muscular event." It became apparent to me that not only was my mind causing my arms to contract, but so were my emotions.

Elongate Your Mind
How many times do we keep trying to transform our thoughts with other thoughts by engaging in a sort of cerebral gerbil wheel, when perhaps what we need is to breathe or get a massage or do some yoga?

What Your Posture Might Say About You
People who embody the Overachiever Posture "live life in the middle of an inhalation."

Art Heals: Two Artists Show How Creating Art Can Be a Force for Healing
Featuring Karin Bartimole and Kathy (Alberta) McCullen

Cerebrum: Balance
By accessing both sides of your brain more equally, you may find that you start feeling a bit more balanced and integrated.

Rising Bird Healing Arts in the News!
In the March 2009 "Wellness" issue of Seattle Magazine, you'll find an article about Reiki, featuring Rising Bird Healing Arts!

Self-Care: Fun with Fascia!
Sometimes the aches and pains we experience as muscle tension may actually (or also) be indications of fascial adhesions.

An Art Show Close to My Heart
Because of your generous support of my art, I was able to donate close to $600 to the Kidney Cancer Association in honor of my dad.

This is What Doggie Reiki Looks Like
When we connect to a dog's heart center, we may well be connecting to their raison d'etre.

Creativity Corner
Art Prompt: "Harmony" / Writing Prompt: "Fabulous Feet"

(To read these articles in full, view/download the complete newsletter here.)

Upcoming Workshops, Announcements, and Events

You, Yourself, and You: A Self-Portrait Workshop
Sunday, April 12, from 1-5pm at Rising Bird Healing Arts

"Learning to Let Go" Workshop Series
Tuesday nights at Rising Bird Healing Arts:
March 24 & 31; April 7 & 14 (7-8:30pm)

Next Art Show at Rising Bird Healing Arts
Friday, April 24; 6-9pm. More details to come!

Rising Bird Healing Arts

website: rising-bird.com • blog: thehealingnest.blogspot.com

Sunshine on the Inside

2009-02-23T10:41:00.000-08:00

A month or so ago I purchased The Chakra Deck (by Olivia H. Miller) at my trusty EastWest Bookshop (which just happens to be a hop, skip, and a jump away from my home). This colorful deck includes seven cards for each of the seven chakras: two cards describe specific characteristics of the chakra and the five others show exercises and yoga poses that support the chakra.

Today I am drawn to the Solar Plexus Chakra (also called the Navel Chakra). I've been dealing with a bit of anxiety lately (well, more than just a little), and I have felt this anxiety humming in my gut. When I am feeling anxious, I feel all my blood and energy run to my core, and there is sometimes a burning sensation there. Have you ever felt this? There is a reason for this surge of energy in the gut: there are so many nerves that innervate the abdomen! And one of these nerve bundles is the the solar plexus.

So what exactly is the solar plexus (also called the celiac plexus) in physiological terms?

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary online describes this wonder bundle as follows: "1 : a nerve plexus in the abdomen that is situated behind the stomach and in front of the aorta and the crura of the diaphragm and contains several ganglia distributing nerve fibers to the viscera 2 : the pit of the stomach." This prominent nerve bundle controls many vital functions such as metabolic systems and digestion. The liver, stomach, gallbladder, adrenal glands, and spleen are all associated with this chakra.

And why is this plexus named "solar"? Many believe this is because the nerves emanate from the plexus like the sun's rays. I love this idea that there is a veritable sunburst residing in the center of me. I often describe this chakra as the place where our gut instincts reside. Miller describes this chakra as a "power center," and also an "area of assertiveness, intuition, and inner drive." The Solar Plexus Chakra is often associated with power, particularly personal power, and when we listen to the "sparks" inside us we are experiencing healthy self-esteem, confidence, and vitality. When we are in alignment with these inner rays, we are able to make decisions that match our gut instincts and our strong sense of self.

The yoga pose that I most enjoy in Miller's deck is Sun Meditation. I enjoy this pose because I feel like I am emulating the sun's rays with my arms spread out and open in a "V" shape. When doing this pose, be sure to breathe in and out with nice long breaths and imagine inhaling light and exhaling darkness. Miller then encourages us to focus on the following thought: "My power radiates from the center of my being."

Whenever I do this pose I feel much more grounded. I also feel surprisingly open, yet not so vulnerable. See how you feel when you open yourself to the gifts of the sun glowing inside the center of your body.

The Emotional Side

2009-02-09T10:36:00.000-08:00

On the home page of my website, I have written: "By integrating massage, energy work, creative play, and whole-person wellness approaches, I invite you to experience a unique blend of healing modalities to support your body, mind, and spirit." What exactly does it mean that massage supports your mind, body, and spirit? That mind-body-spirit trifecta is often used to describe how massage and bodywork may not only address physical issues, but also issues related to the mind, emotions, and also one's higher self. But how do we each experience this?

This weekend I purchased the latest issue of Massage & Bodywork Magazine and found myself immersed in an article by Stephanie Mines called "Whose Hand is This?: Attunement and Bodywork." At one point in her piece, Mines writes, "The release of tension can never be solely a muscular event. In order for muscles to come out of contraction the mind must let go; with this letting go, memories are unleashed, along with the fear, anger, or horror that initiated the contraction."

I can recall the first massages I ever received, close to ten years ago. I had a tremendously difficult time relaxing my arms during my sessions. I sought out massage to help relieve the tendinitis in my forearms due to computer work (I did a lot of layout and graphic design back then), but I somehow couldn't let my arms go. I found myself helping my massage practitioner by lifting my arms for her as she was massaging them, and when she tried to jostle them, my arms were as stiff as bricks. It was clear that my tension and holding was not purely a "muscular event." It became clear to me that not only was my mind causing my arms to contract, but so were my emotions. I learned, after many sessions, that my stress and worry and my need to stay "in control" were also contributing to my tense arms.

Mines also writes, "Our bodies are storehouses, veritable libraries containing volumes of life experiences." What life experiences was I storing in my arms, which made them react in such a rigid manner? On a metaphorical level, what couldn't I let go of? I had to explore these issues in conjunction with receiving good, therapeutic massage with a patient and mindful practitioner before I could relinquish control. Surprise, surprise: my tendinitis symptoms improved dramatically. And for the first time in my life, I could relax my arms so they were soft like noodles.

Try This:
Think about a place where you hold tension in your body. Now divide a sheet of paper in to three columns. The first column is for listing the physical reasons for this tension (i.e. too much computer work, work injury, posture, etc.), the second column is for listing what emotional issues might relate to this tension (i.e. work stress, financial worry, past issues related to abuse, etc.), and the third column is for exploring the metaphor embedded in this tension (i.e. my hip pain is a little girl with low self-esteem, my sore arm is a machine without an off-switch, my jaw is a rusty can opener). If you feel so inclined, post some of your writing here. I'd love to hear what you uncover.

Give the Gift of Massage this Valentine's Day!

2009-02-04T11:23:00.001-08:00

Happy February everyone,

I am delighted to have endured the two darkest (and longest) months of the year, and I feel inspired by the tiny buds and blossoms emerging out in nature.

One of the joys of February is Valentine's Day! This Valentine's Day, consider giving the gift of massage and bodywork to yourself and loved ones. There is nothing like healing, therapeutic touch to relax the body, clear the mind, and open the heart.

I provide gift certificates for all of my offerings, including massage, Reiki, hot stone massage, spa treatments, and more. Feel free to visit my sessions and rates page for more details.

Gift certificates are available for my two-hour Winter Special "Chocolate Indulgence" as well. For details about this special, click here.

I also recommend my Two-hour Heart Chakra Session called "Open Heart." In this session, I invite you to open yourself to the gifts of the heart chakra: self-love, forgiveness, compassion, and grace.

This two-hour “Open Heart” session includes:

• A soothing rose water foot bath, strawberry-rose iced tea, and a light snack.

• A “Self-Love Valentine” writing prompt and art exercise (all art supplies provided).

• A combination of massage, Reiki, and guided visualization to support, soothe, and open the heart chakra.

• A “Heart Chakra Kit,” including a rose quartz stone and aromatherapy spritzer. (Cost: $150)

I wish you all a month of peace and abundance!

All the best,

Courtney

Rising Bird Healing Arts
http://www.rising-bird.com

29 Gifts in 29 Days

2009-02-02T10:38:00.000-08:00

I just joined the 29-Day Giving Challenge!

I stumbled upon this amazing project when I joined the Arts and Healing Network the other day. Apparently, a kind and creative soul by the name of Cami Walker started this project after giving a gift a day for 29 days and seeing transformation in the lives of others and in herself. Through her process of giving, she noticed her MS symptoms diminished and she experienced more health and abundance in her own life. Read here for more about her story.

I have decided to join this movement in order to help balance the giving and receiving in my own life. By reflecting on my own life as a person in a "giving" profession--and by witnessing my clients try to balance the giving and receiving aspects of their own lives--I've come to the realization that we need to nurture both our giving (or yang) and receiving (or yin) sides. Both aspects must be attended to (and listened to) in order to achieve good balance and health.

In your own life, do you find that you give in a way that makes you feel exhausted? Do you ever find yourself having a hard time receiving? Joining this project has made me much more aware of my relationship to giving in general. Are there times when I resent giving (and why)? When do I resist accepting someone's generosity (and why)? How do I care for myself when I give a great deal without listening to my own body's message to take a break? How do I feel when I give without expecting anything in return? When has giving given me great joy?

Here's a bit more information about the 29 Gifts project (excerpted from their website):

"29Gifts.org is a global giving movement with more than 3, 600 members in 38 countries. Our collective mission at 29Gifts is to revive the giving spirit in the world. We change lives—and change the world—one gift at a time.

HOW IT WORKS:
Sign up and then give away 29 gifts in 29 days. Your 29 gifts can be anything given to anyone... money, food, old sweaters, smiles, your time, kind words or thoughts. You can start your own personal 29-Day Giving Challenge at any time—there’s no official begin or end date. To complete the challenge, submit a story, post a piece of your original artwork, create a short film or write a song. Tell us about your favorite gives and the impact it made on your life to focus on giving."

I just created my own page on the 29 Gifts website. You can check it out here. I will be starting my 29 days of gifting today and documenting my process on my page.

Want to join me? To sign up, just visit: http://givingchallenge.ning.com/main/authorization/signUp

Good Pain / Bad Pain

2009-01-28T20:03:00.000-08:00

"Remember: There is good pain and bad pain. Bad pain comes in a spectrum: It may feel like a weird electrical twinge in your back, something that makes you suddenly go ouch, or a movement that makes you feel like you might break something. Good pain feels challenging and even exhilarating. It tells you that you are working but doesn't inhibit your movement or make you want to stop. As you learn to respect your body, you will easily recognize the difference between good pain and bad pain."

--Johanna Putnoi, Senses Wide Open

Do you know the difference between "good pain" and "bad pain" for your own body? What does "good pain" feel like for you? Can you find the words to describe what makes this pain "good"?

As I was free-writing for this very post, it struck me how I don't know if I/we have the language for "good pain." "Bad pain" is much easier to describe. For instance, sometimes I feel a stabbing sensation near my right scapula after working on the computer too long. My left sacral iliac joint aches and throbs after I sit for too long. My left heel feels bruised and sore after wearing certain shoes. These things feel like they belong in the "uncomfortable/bad feeling" category.

But what is that feeling of slight discomfort during a massage, when that tender point being pressed feels, well, good, almost exhilarating? What is that feeling of wanting your massage practitioner to press deeply, almost to the point of real pain? And what do we call that sensation just prior to bad pain? There should be a name for that! Shall we call it a "near pain experience" or "pre-pain" or "ecstatic pain"? Oh, I like that last one: ecstatic pain.

So what exactly happens during ecstatic pain? Is pain actually releasing? Is that what makes it feel good? Does that feeling have to do with chi beginning to move in an area that was formerly tight and stagnant?

With this first exploration into the nature of the pain we may feel during bodywork, I'm curious to know a few things from you:

1) What does good pain feel like to you and when do you feel it?

2) Can you describe this ecstatic pain as a metaphor or simile?

3) How do you know when you've crossed the line from good pain to bad pain?

I'd love to hear your experiences!

Elongate Your Mind

2009-01-16T10:53:00.000-08:00

My new friend Samar turned me on to a book by Gail Sher called Writing the Fire!: Yoga and the Art of Making Your Words Come Alive. (You know you've encountered a special and enduring friend when she gives great book recommendations.)

Sher begins her book with a quote by B.K.S. Iyengar, which reads, "Unless freedom is gained in the body, freedom of the mind is a far-fetched idea." I resonate so strongly with this notion that the body and mind are inextricably linked. The mind and emotions cannot be free if the body is locked in tight. Without breath, for instance, the body withers and so does the mind. We may know this on an intellectual level, but how many times do we keep trying to transform our thoughts with other thoughts by engaging in a sort of cerebral gerbil wheel, when perhaps what we need is to breathe or get a massage or do some yoga? When we feel physical tension it seems only natural to receive some bodywork. But what about when you're anxious or feel stuck creatively or when you have a hard time making decisions?

Sher writes about elongation as a way to create more flow both in the body and the mind. She writes, "Deep within the fibers a muscle is a hidden door. It is opened by breathing and once opened, it allows the muscles to undo themselves. Both lengthening and shortening muscles undo and ride the energy flow. There's no danger, fatigue, or residue. The process of elongating comes about by rooting, connecting, and breathing in which breath is the link as well as the fuel that pulls the mind-body along. In elongating, the muscle relinquishes its effort to do. Then it extends. Other body parts pick up the impulse and let go too. When the mind in turn lets go, writing flows freely."

Sometimes I feel like a broken record with this, but the phrase "when you're stuck move" has gotten me out of many a stagnant or perplexing moment. Sometimes I take a walk, other times I dance, and often I stop what I am doing and stretch. I breathe and stretch until I feel oxygen and blood flowing again--until I feel my body relax and my mind open. Sometimes something so simple as moving or stretching can feel so difficult to start. At times I resist and keep sitting, as if I am banishing myself to the "time out" chair. But once I move, take one little step towards attending to my body, my whole being sort of softens and succumbs to the flow. And after some time, I actually feel a bit taller, like there is space inside me--space for growth and transformation.

Try This:
When you are feeling stuck, stagnant, or in any way in a mental funk, try elongating your body. While taking deep breaths, do some gentle stretching (or yoga poses if you know them). Create space in your body for energy to move. After 10-15 minutes, return to your mental musings. Do you feel any different? Does your mind feel more elongated and free?

Winter Special: Chocolate Induglence

2009-01-13T12:00:00.001-08:00

I'm salivating just thinking of the two-hour special I've devised for this winter season. It's full of warmth and chocolate. Yes, my friends, chocolate!

Here are the delicious details:

* A warm cup of hot chocolate or chocolate-hazelnut tea and a light chocolaty snack to awaken your senses.

* A chocolate-vanilla footbath and a full-spectrum light therapy treatment for a mood boost.

* A deep heat paraffin hand treatment to soothe joints and moisturize your hands.

* A one-hour chocolate-scented massage with infrared heat lamp for ultimate warmth and relaxation.

* A chocolate-scented mister to take home.

Cost for these two-hours of chocolaty goodness: $125.

Gift certificates available.

To make an appointment, email Courtney at cputnam@rising-bird.com.

Inner Radiance Blog

2009-01-07T10:17:00.000-08:00

I want to introduce you to a wonderful new blog in the blogosphere. It's called Inner Radiance, and the amazing Elizabeth Rightor is the author of this powerful and insightful blog. Elizabeth is a friend of mine and an incredible counselor in Seattle. For more information about her practice, click here.

Her latest blog post is about new year's resolutions, and I love what she has to say about honoring where you've been and where you are.

Check it out!

http://elizabethrightor.com/blog/index.html

Being Bold in 2009

2008-12-29T10:49:00.000-08:00

Right now I am sitting in my friend Kristen's living room as we swim in the creative waters of our weekly writing group. She's clicking away on her laptop and I've moved from some fantastic messy journaling in my notebook to writing this blog post.

My fantastic messy journaling brought forth the feeling that I want to be more bold in 2009. What about you? Could you use a little spotlight shining on some aspect of your life?

It can feel risky to put yourself out there, to take a chance on an opportunity, to be, well, visible. I don't know about you, but I have always struggled with the idea of being seen, noticed, salient. There's a significant part of me that would prefer to live behind the scenes, to move through the universe unnoticed. But then there's this desire--perhaps it's more like a calling--to force open the red curtains and be center stage. I figure that there's a reason for my desire to be noticed and influential. I figure I might as well play with this energy and see where it takes me.

For 2009, I intend to play with BOLDNESS. Over the past few years I have experimented with boldness by hosting art shows, submitting my writing for publication, and generally putting myself out there to promote my business. I intend to continue these endeavors as well as to find specific ways to take risks like writing articles for massage and healing magazines, showing my work in galleries and cafes (not just in my home), and (gulp!) facilitating many more workshops and seminars.

How might you be more bold in 2009? Maybe tap dancing or dyeing your hair blue or auditioning for a play will help you embrace the shining star that you are. Or maybe you want to be more assertive with others, expressing to others how you truly feel more often. As you contemplate what bold acts might be positive forces in your life, remember to be as specific as you can with those things you intend on pursuing. And feel free to be wild and crazy with your bold dreaming. You need not actually do everything you come up with. Sometimes just freeing yourself up to imagining yourself doing some bold thing will spark a positive and life-affirming energy inside you.

Your Body Speaks: An Inner Wisdom Workshop

2008-12-27T12:57:00.000-08:00

I have several spots still available for my January workshop! If you register by January 1, I will offer a $20 discount!

If you feel others might be interested in this day of intuitive play, feel free to pass this announcement on.

Thanks!

Your Body Speaks: An Inner Wisdom Workshop

Date: Sunday, January 11, 2009

Time: 1:00-5:00pm

Location: Rising Bird Healing Arts
6316 9th Avenue NE
Seattle, WA 98115

Cost: $80 if you register by January 1, 2009 ($100 thereafter)
Cash, checks, and credit cards accepted.

To Register: Email Courtney at cputnam@rising-bird.com

"There exists a universal, intelligent life force that exists within everything. It resides within each one of us as a deep wisdom, an inner knowing. We can access this wonderful source of knowledge and wisdom through our intuition, an inner sense that tells us what feels right and true for us at any given moment. " - Shakti Gawain, Developing Intuition

What does it feel like in your body when you resonate with an idea, thought, or feeling? How do you know when your body is giving you important information? In this inner wisdom workshop, we will explore the power of our sixth chakra, the chakra of intuition and inner knowing. Using writing, guided visualization, sensing exercises, muscle testing, and pendulum work, we will tap into the body's hidden wisdom. Come join me for an afternoon of intuitive play! Pendulums and refreshments provided.

This workshop series is facilitated by Courtney Putnam, MFA, LMP and will be held at Rising Bird Healing Arts in the Roosevelt District of Seattle.

Courtney E. Putnam is a Licensed Massage Practitioner and Certified Reiki Practitioner, who offers a holistic approach to wellness. With a strong belief in the mind-body connection, Courtney holds a safe space for her clients to experience emotional as well as physical healing. By integrating massage, energy work, and holistic wellness approaches, she invites you to experience a unique blend of healing modalities to support your body, mind, and spirit. In addition to her bodywork endeavors, Courtney is a poet and visual artist.

Rising Bird Healing Arts
Courtney E. Putnam, MFA, LMP, CRP, RC
6316 9th Avenue NE, Seattle, WA 98115
cputnam@rising-bird.com • (206) 228-9124
www.rising-bird.com • http://thehealingnest.blogspot.com

Clarity and 2009

2008-12-26T13:26:00.000-08:00

Clarity, mixed media collage, 4" x 6" by Courtney Putnam

Oh my, has it been almost two weeks since my last post? Good thing I'm sitting here thinking about what I'd like to experience, accomplish, and feel in 2009. I'll add "blogging more frequently" to the list!

I don't know about you, but each December I end up sort of slip-sliding through the new year without doing a big, fat reflection. And then in January, I intend on spending some quiet time reflecting and dreaming -- and that usually slips by, too. I have good intentions, but rarely do I get some clear meditation and dream time in.

I am hoping to change that this year. I am hoping to get a firm, grounded grip on the earth (even though it is a bit slippery--literally--in Seattle right now) and grow some lovely dreamy roots. I thought I would start with this very post. Dream and reflection time begins now.

First intention for 2009: Self Care.

Those of you in helping professions know how crucial it is to take care of yourself as you are caring for others. In 2008 I found it immensely rejuvenating to visit Olympus Spa in Lynnwood, WA for hours of warmth and healing. Olympus Spa is a woman-only spa and it costs $35 to spend the whole day in the lovely facility. You can soak in whirlpools, sit in the sauna or steam room, and feel the healing effects of the heated earth rooms. There's even a Korean cafe and juice bar, a beautiful lounge and reading room, and some refreshing "cool down" rooms. My goal for 2009 is to visit Olympus Spa on a more regular basis, perhaps once a month.

Is "self care" one of your intentions for 2009? If so, what might you do for yourself? Try to be as specific as you can with your intention because vagueness can easily turn into slushy mush and then get lost. What part of you needs some attention? And how can you respond to your mind/body/spirit in a way that will inspire, relax, and recharge you?

The Snow Inside

2008-12-14T19:41:00.000-08:00

"Let it Snow," mixed media collage by Courtney Putnam

In celebration of the lovely snow that arrived in Seattle last night, I offer this writing prompt:

Think about the nature of snow. Think about the texture, the shiny crystaline quality, the color, the sound it makes (or the way it makes everything so quiet), and how it feels as it melts on your face or tongue. Now, take this a step further: when does it snow in your very own body? This is, of course, a metaphorical snow. When do you become soft and quiet? Or cold and luminescent? Or puffy or crunchy or translucent? What does it feel like when you are having a day of internal snow? Can you think of a time when you might have told somebody, when asked how you were doing, that you were snowing inside? Let your inner critic go, and instead listen to your body. Let yourself be silly or odd or perplexed by this notion of internal snow. Write for at least 10 minutes. Go for 20 minutes if you can. Do you contain steep snow drifts inside or is the snow melting already?

Creativity, Part I

2008-12-06T16:48:00.000-08:00

Do you consider yourself creative? Do you find yourself able to tap into your creative self on a daily basis?

I ask these questions because lately I'm encountering folks who feel a yearning for creative expression, yet don't seem to know how to start (or where to start). I hear statements like, "I wish I were more creative" and "I feel inside like I am a creative person, but I don't know what to do with that energy stirring inside me."

A few weeks ago, I was giving Reiki to a friend who was curious about her second (sacral) chakra. This chakra was drawing in a lot of energy. I asked my friend about her creative life, knowing that, on the symbolic level, the second chakra is about creation in the broadest sense of the word (it could have to do with procreation, creativity, or some aspect of manifesting or "giving birth" to something in the world). My friend noticed a desire to manifest creativity, but felt stifled by her feeling that she "isn't an artist." She expressed an interest in the arts, in creativity, but felt a block with the idea of personal manifestation. "Nothing comes out the way I envision it," she said.

Her words made me curious about how we each view creativity. I suggested that it might be interesting to feel art creation in terms of its process, not its product. What if no one saw your writing/art/music/dance/sculpture, and instead you focused on the feeling of creation? What if, for now, there is no other witness besides yourself and no critic? What if you allowed your creative self to move through the world with the intention of feeling the essence of your artfulness? What if you made a mess? What if you made something really ugly? Do it. I dare you. No one is watching.

I also wondered what would happen if daily creative acts didn't need to be art with a capital A, but rather something called artful living. Living artfully could mean that you take some time to see the world in terms of its shapes and colors and textures. It could mean that when you walk past that rusty fire hydrant on your way to the bus stop each morning, you re-name it or imagine that it is an entirely different object. Perhaps you decide to purchase flowers every week for a month to see how you feel with these bursts of color in your environment. What if you finger-painted with the condensation on the glass door during your morning shower? What if you wore mismatched socks or dyed your hair bright purple to match your shoes? How can you make your breakfast a creative endeavor?

And what do you already do that embraces artful living? Please, oh please, share what it is that you do!

Shape of Your Heart

2008-11-20T11:33:00.000-08:00

"Heartful," portion of painting by Courtney Putnam

Do you ever think about the shape of your heart? The human heart does have a specific shape, what with its lovely cavernous ventricles and orbed atria, but what I'm talking about is the metaphorical shape of your heart.

Over the last few days I have been reading Dorianne Laux's poems in her book Smoke, and I stumbled upon her poem "Heart." While reading Laux's poem, I started to focus on my own heart. At first I noticed that it was a flower bulb in the deep, dark depths of me. Then, a little green sprout appeared at the top, like part of me was opening up, seeking a bit of light.

In "Heart," Laux writes:

"The heart shifts shape of its own accord--
from bird to ax, from pinwheel
to budded branch."

And then, later:

"Harmonica heart, heart of tinsel,
heart of cement, broken teeth, redwood fence.
Heart of bricks and boards, books stacked
in devoted rows, their dusty spines
unreadable. Heart
with its hands full.
Hieroglyph heart, etched deep with history's lists,
things to do. Near-sighted heart. Club-footed heart."

What does your heart look like today? What did it look like and feel like this morning? What does your heart look like as you lie in bed, waiting for sleep to envelop you? Or, when you pet your cat? Or, weed in your garden? Or watch an old movie? Or listen to your favorite song?

Notice how the shape of your heart changes with everything you do. What form do you most like it to take?

A Gathering Time

2008-11-08T10:23:00.000-08:00

"Gathering Time," mixed media collage by Courtney Putnam

The squirrels are at it again -- scurrying about the wet leaves under the dwindling tree canopies, gathering and chomping through chestnuts, digging up bulbs in our gardens, climbing thorny rose bushes to eat the succulent rose hips. And they're especially fast little creatures this time of year. It's like the Squirrel Olympics in my neighborhood. I saw one squirrel carry an extra large bagel in his mouth while skittering across the top of the neighbor's fence. That, most certainly, should win him some kind of medal.

Besides the spectacle of squirrel-hood this time of year, what message can we glean from these ever-active, super-gathering creatures?

In Jamie Sams' & David Carson's Medicine Cards, a divination deck and book, squirrel medicine offers wisdom about the power of gathering what is necessary and true and letting go of what is not. Carson writes, "The gathering power of Squirrel medicine is a great gift. It teaches you to gather and store your energy for times of need. It teaches you to reserve something for future use, whether it be a judgment, an opinion, a savings account, candles, or extra food. To put it in a nutshell, Squirrel is the Boy Scout of the animal kingdom--always prepared."

I think about the "nesting" feeling that often reveals itself to me in autumn. I've been stock-piling tea so much that it won't all fit in the kitchen cabinet. I've also been carrying my comforter around the house with me so I can curl up with it wherever I am. I suppose there is a part of me that wants comfort all around me: warmth, softness, and calmness.

This idea of "storing up energy" for the future is certainly at play with me now, too. What about you? One gift of the darkness of autumn is that it often slows many of us down. It's as if we're storing up our energies for when the spring returns. This time might also be teaching us a lesson in slowing down, especially if we've been overextending ourselves.

Another gift of squirrel medicine has to do with preparing for change and embracing what is to come. Carson writes,"If Squirrel has scurried into your cards today, it may be that you are being told to honor your future by readying yourself for change. The message could be to lighten your load if you have gathered too many 'things' that do not serve you. These 'things' can include thoughts, worries, pressures, stresses, or gadgets that have been broken for years."

In your life, what is accumulating to the point of stress? Too much clutter in your environment? Too much worry? Too many obligations? Too much of saying "yes" to others and not to yourself? What can you do to honor what's important to you as well as what serves you? When you see yourself in the future, do you feel heaviness or lightness?

The final gift of squirrel medicine, according to Carson, is about creating an "untroubled heart and mind" in which to place your gatherings. In other words, remember that anything you gather needs a safe place to rest until you need it. Squirrels are experts at finding safe places to store their goodies for the winter. Be conscious of not only what you gather (i.e. positive thoughts vs. self-destructive thoughts, etc.), but also the environment in which you store these things/thoughts (this environment is you!). Squirrel wisdom asks you to be open and loving toward what you gather, for the more you nurture what you're storing inside you, the more powerful and meaningful these things will become in the future when you need them.

Falling into Fall

2008-11-03T14:44:00.000-08:00

A portion of "Fall Goddess," mixed media collage by Courtney Putnam

Fall has now transformed into full-blast autumn. Is this happening where you are? The weather has shifted to a combination of wet and windy here in Seattle, and the hours of daylight have dwindled. I'm noticing that these external changes are causing me to turn inward and to investigate what transformations are happening for me on the inside. How do these falling leaves make me feel? What do I desire or need now that there are fewer hours of light? Do I feel I am able to stay strong during the strong winds of my life or do I feel I'll topple over?

When I look inward, at first I am aware of the the way fall creates a feeling of detritus resting inside me. In a way, I feel that part of me is returning to the earth for a long nap. I feel just a tad more dread when I greet the morning in darkness, feel sticky and uncertain with any stagnation in my business, and feel disappointed with my body whenever aches and pains reveal themselves to me on a given day.

But I've also noticed that fall is fruitful; the decay is full of nutrients and someday the flowers will return. Fall is bringing out a strong emotional contemplative side that is compelling me to create art, and I've felt my body craving warm, healthy foods like soups that not only seem to nourish my body but also my spirit. And giving bodywork sessions during this season always seems to be powerful for me as I witness clients relaxing and healing on such deep levels.

Sometimes, though, life can be changing all around me, but I am stuck in the sludge of my world. Do you ever feel this? I forget that fall is fruitful and that I am in control of so many of the positive changes in my life. I can choose to dig deep and uncover the beauty in the detritus; I can move through this season with mindfulness and happiness and grace--even when I wake up in the morning, and for a moment, start dreading the darkness.

One thing I've started doing is playing upbeat music in the morning and I move my way into the day through dancing and jumping around. The soundtrack to the film Kinky Boots has been my favorite for dancing as of late. I always feel better once I move. Once I physically move.

I encountered a quote by Milton Trager that speaks to this idea of moving in order to make change:

"First comes sensation, then comes movement. If you want to be different you have to feel something different."

Sometimes desired change occurs when we actively take steps--when we identify how we feel (and consequently how we want to feel), and then step into the world with this new vision. Put in another way, Trager is also saying, "when you're stuck, move." I love Trager's wisdom here: if we want to feel differently, we have to move. We have to make the change--or at least help it along with a pinch of our good intentions.

Sometimes that means physically moving--taking a walk, dancing, or stretching. Sometimes it means cursing or stomping, too, for these emotions need a way out as well. Maybe a good walk stomping around in the fall leaves is just the ticket to transforming your day. Or try turning on some tunes during the slump time of your day and letting your body move you into a new state of being. Whatever it is you choose to do, make it active; make your external movements represent the internal movements you are intending to make. Shake your way from lethargy to playfulness and see how you feel inside.

How do you feel about the falling leaves now?

Change Art

2008-10-29T14:32:00.000-07:00

In the fall issue of The Healing Nest Newsletter, I include an art prompt related to the theme of change. This art piece above is my response to the exercise. I call my piece, "Breathing and Blooming in the Face of Loss."

What are you called to create when you reflect on the theme of change in your life? If you feel inspired to share--either in art or writing--what change you are experiencing, I would love to hear from you! Either post on this blog, or feel free to send me an email at cputnam@rising-bird.com. Perhaps I can even convince you to share your piece in my next newsletter (hint-hint).

Here is the art exercise description:

Art Prompt: “Change”
As much as we might try to fight the statement “The only constant is change,” it seems rather true, doesn’t it? For this exercise, think of a change that you have endured, a transition you are currently going through, or a transformation you would like to take place. This change could be an internal one, like a change from uncertainty to self-confidence. It could also be more external, like a change from living in Los Angeles to living in Seattle. Whatever change rises to the surface, it’s time to explore its characteristics. Does this change make you feel light and buoyant or heavy with dread? What colors and textures come to mind? What images bubble to the surface? Explore this change with whatever artistic medium you are called to use.

The Summer/Fall Newsletter is here!

2008-10-24T21:42:00.000-07:00

Click on this link to view/download the newsletter: http://www.rising-bird.com/Fall2008HealingNest.pdf

At long last the newsletter is here! I am pleased (and relieved!) to be presenting you with the Summer/Fall 2008 issue of The Healing Nest Newsletter.

Highlights of this issue:

* Therapist Elizabeth Rightor offers tips for dealing with life transitions.

* The Autumn Special ("Pumpkin Spice") is sure to entice you.

* Oxytocin might just be your ticket to feeling good this fall.

* The December 11 Art Show at Rising Bird Healing Arts is for a good cause.

I hope that you all are feeling healthy, centered and inspired these days. I wish you a cozy and warm autumnal season.

All the best,
Courtney

Appreciation Walk

2008-10-21T19:30:00.001-07:00

Today I took a lovely walk around my neighborhood with my camera. It was such a beautiful day here in Seattle, and I decided to embrace the autumnal changes and walk with appreciation. I set the intention of adoring the change of season instead of lamenting over the darkness and coolness that comes with autumn.

Today I embraced the crisp air, the turning leaves, and the groovy neighborhood in which I live. And by bringing along my camera, I noticed more shapes, colors, and textures than I would have on a normal walk. I sought interesting color juxtapositions and unique shapes that I wanted to document. I tell you, this Appreciation Walk was a big mood boost. I highly recommend it!

Here is a video slide show of my lovely little walk:

Feeling Good

2008-10-10T09:24:00.000-07:00

"Healing Touch," mixed media collage by Courtney Putnam

I've been reading up on oxytocin lately. This "hormone of love" as it is often deemed, is known to reduce stress hormones, promote relaxation, and increase feelings of love, bonding, and connection.

I've been thinking about oxytocin lately because I have been feeling -- and I have heard others express -- that right now "things aren't feeling so good." Perhaps the weather and light change has affected some of us, or maybe we're feeling down from the economic turn. I've also seen many people starting to get those nasty and lingering fall colds. So, if you're in a space of feeling not quite optimal, not quite 100%, I want to give you a little inspiration.

This inspiration comes in the form of something that you already have. You don't need to buy it or concoct it. All you need to do is access it and let it do it's job. The amazing hormone oxytocin, most known for its effect in producing labor in women, may show positive effects on both your body and mind. Now, how do you activate this great, feel-good hormone?

What researchers are finding is that receiving positive touch increases oxytocin in the body, and receiving massage in particular may be an effective and powerful way to get that "feel good" feeling. The Touch Research Institute in Miami has conducted hundreds of touch studies, all which have produced interesting findings related to the power of touch to help us heal, grow, and prevent stress and disease. Check out the TRI website here. Many of its most profound studies involve underweight infants who, when touched on a regular basis, grow faster and gain weight more quickly than infants who were not given touch. Several other studies reveal a decrease in depression among people who receive touch, particularly massage, on a regular basis.

So I say, hug your partner, your family members, your pets, your friends. Make a conscious effort to not only connect with others with your eye contact and voice, but also with a small gesture of touch.

And consider getting massage on a regular basis. More and more I see how receiving massage is important and integral to our well being and health. What was once considered just "pampering" and "extra" is now shown to play a huge role in our overall health and well being. Several massage studies have shown that massage not only reduces stress and promotes relaxation, but actually restores the body and may in fact be preventative medicine.

For more on the effects of this hormone on our body, read this lovely article from The Independent.

I'm Now RSS Feed-able!

2008-10-08T14:46:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the new home of The Healing Nest!

You can now add The Healing Nest to your RSS feeds (see "Subscribe to the Healing Nest" buttons on sidebar).

Also, if you are a regular viewer of this blog, consider becoming a "Follower" via the "Follow this blog" link (also on the side bar).

All of my previous posts can be found at the old site, which has become The Healing Nest Blog Archive.

Free Career Workshops with Laila

2008-10-04T11:56:00.000-07:00

(Click on image for larger viewing.)

I thought I'd take this opportunity to promote my dear friend Laila, the career counselor and life coach goddess, who is having another series of free workshops related to career issues this very October. Laila is inspirational, dynamic, funny, smart as all get out, and she knows her stuff! If you are in the process of changing your job or career, consider attending one of these great events!

Now, back to your scheduled programing.

Your Six Senses

2008-09-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

"The problem is that thoughts without sensation are only two-dimensional and, for that reason, often inaccurate. We can think ourselves into a permanent state of stress when everything around us is actually fine."

"Experience won't register on the bones and muscles, let alone the heart, unless the body is hooked up. In fact, when we lose conscious perception of body input, we are likely to suffer from an amnesia of actual experience."

- Johanna Putnoi, Senses Wide Open: The Art and Practice of Living in Your Body

I've been delving back into Putnoi's most excellent book these past few days while working on finishing my flyer for my upcoming "Six Senses" workshop on October 19 (for more details on this workshop, see the end of this post!). I've been meditating on how I've either embraced or rejected sensory information over the last several months, particularly during my dad's illness.

Last February, when my dad was in the hospital, I realize how much I tried to stifle sensory information. After all, most of the smells, sights, and sounds at the hospital were unpleasant. I can see how Putnoi's description of having "amnesia of experience" applied to me during this time. It was a survival technique to hold my chest in tight and to allow as few senses in as possible. Is it just me, or do most people (including doctors and nurses) look like they are holding in their breath at hospitals?

Now, many months later, I am finally feeling all of these senses. The memories and the senses are flowing to the surface. It's as if my body stored up my experiences (in my bones, cells, nervous system) and now it is safe for me to feel these things fully. In February I felt like I might have died from feeling too much, as anxiety arrived and replaced true, safe, actual, in-depth feeling. Now, for the most part, my mind, heart, and body all know I will not die from anxiety. Nor will I die from unpleasant sensory stimulation. In fact, accepting (and beckoning) sensory input is making me feel more alive. More safe. More integrated and connected.

The thing is, I find it's hard to live fully, openly, and truthfully when I rely solely on my mind or my heart for feedback. I need to include my body, too, for without bodily input, I don't have the complete picture. How do I know how I really feel about something without the smell that repels me, the sound that lulls me to sleep, or the cool temperature on my skin that gives me goosebumps? How can I learn to trust my instincts if I turn off my animal ability to feel the world through my senses?

My Six Senses Workshop is all about exploring the ways in which we use (or don't use) our senses. I've included a bit of information about the workshop here:

In this workshop, we will…

Engage in all six of our senses and learn how to become “awake” in our bodies.
Interpret the wisdom of our sensory experiences as a powerful form of feedback.
Uncover which of our senses are keenly awake and which seem to be hibernating.
Explore how being a highly sensitive person can influence how we react to sensory input.
Learn how tapping into our senses on a daily basis leads to more joyful, fulfilling experiences.

Think of this workshop as a full-body immersion and an experiential play day. You will eat and drink, pamper your body, smell divergent and interesting scents, listen to and create sounds, relax deeply for guided visualization and meditation, experience giving and receiving touch, play with color, and tap into your body’s natural system of intuition and inner knowing.

For more information about this sensory play day, click here to download a PDF flyer.

And in the meantime, Try This:

Go to your spice cupboard. Randomly pull out 5-10 spice bottles, turn the label away from you, and open the lids. Now, smell each spice. Really take in each scent one at a time. Before you describe the smell (i.e. "woody," "floral," or "musty," etc.), just feel the smell in your body. What does the scent do in your body? Does it make your throat feel more open, your nose feel congested? Do you feel free and relaxed or tight and rigid? Is it easy to identify the smell without looking at the label first?

Sneak Peek...

2008-09-25T11:53:00.000-07:00

I have been moving a little slowly lately, so my apologies for not writing here more frequently. These gray skies are making me feel sluggish and I seem to want to sleep a lot these days. My grief process has sure added more nap time to my schedule. Sheesh.

But I do have one mini accomplishment to share with you. I have just devised my 2-hour fall special (after long, long brainstorming sessions) and my postcard order is at the printers as I write this!

I want to give you a sneak peek at what goodies are in store for you this fall. So, here you go...

Autumn Special: Pumpkin Spice

This autumn, surround yourself with light and warmth while taking in the nurturing scents of pumpkin, cinnamon, and clove.

This two-hour experience includes:

• A citrus spice foot spa, warm herbal chai, and a light fall-inspired snack to awaken your senses.

• A full-spectrum light therapy session to boost your mood.

• A pumpkin spice body polish treatment to revitalize your skin.

• A hot stone massage using heated basalt river stones for deep relaxation and warmth.

Cost: $120. Gift Certificates Available.

What a way to embrace the coming of fall! This is going to be a fun special and I am lucky to benefit from all of those wonderful autumnal smells as well.

Alright, I'm off to receive a massage, so I'll say goodbye for now. But my goal is to write here much more often and to offer exercises, prompts, and other bits of healing wisdom for you. Thank you for your patience as I work my way through the fog.

pumpkinly yours,

Courtney

Catalytic Musings

2008-09-17T11:49:00.000-07:00

"Catalyst for Beauty," collage, 4" x 5"

1. Chemistry. a substance that causes or accelerates a chemical reaction without itself being affected.
2. something that causes activity between two or more persons or forces without itself being affected.
3. a person or thing that precipitates an event or change.
4. a person whose talk, enthusiasm, or energy causes others to be more friendly, enthusiastic, or energetic. Source: Dictionary.com

Have you seen the movie Amelie? This film is on my top-ten list of favorite movies in large part because of the catalytic actions of the main character Amelie. Through her deliberate actions she ignites an artist's creativity, teaches a grumpy man a lesson, sparks a reunion of once-estranged family members, and helps repair a widow's broken heart. And she does all of these things with curiosity, compassion, and hint of mischievousness.

In what ways have you been Amelie-esque in your life? In what ways have you been a catalyst for change of some kind?

Try this:
Freewrite about your feelings about being a catalyst. Is this a comfortable place for you to be? Or do you feel awkward or uncomfortable in the role? Perhaps you've been the recipient of some catalytic intervention. What was this like? Write for 15 minutes without stopping and see if you can write fast--like you're sprinting on a track. Keep the pen moving as much as possible and allow yourself to be messy.

Spine Metaphor

2008-09-12T11:48:00.000-07:00

"Spine Hawk," mixed media, 4" x 6"

Alright, creative wonderfuls,

I know that you think about your spine. I just do. It's rare that someone comes to me for massage and doesn't ask for their back to be addressed. I don't often hear comments like, "You know, today my back feels so loose and free, you can just avoid even touching that area." So that is how I know you think about your spine. Or at least you spend a portion of each day feeling and interpreting sensations in your back and spine.

So I invite you to tinker with this writing exercise (below). If your spine were another "thing" in the world, what would it be? And please, please, oh please consider emailing me your metaphor writing for inclusion in my next issue of The Healing Nest Newsletter. Oh, pretty please. Email: cputnam@rising-bird.com

Writing Prompt: Spine Metaphor
What is the life of your spine like? On a typical day, do you feel expansive in this area or cramped and compressed? Write about the purpose and function of your spine, as well as how you experience your spine in your body. Now imagine your spine is not your spine at all, but something else. Is it a ladder for your headaches to climb to reach your head? Is it a river flowing from your cranium to your sacrum? Is it a snake? A rain stick? If you get stuck in your writing, I recommend that you connect with your spine by doing some small movements and stretching in your torso. What does it feel like when you bend forward, back, or to the side? How does your spine respond when you engage with it? Perhaps this movement will help you to reveal the metaphor.

Landslides

2008-09-02T11:47:00.000-07:00

"My Island," mixed media collage, 6" x 7"

My, has it been over two weeks since I last posted here? I thought about writing last week and then this last weekend -- and both times I got cold feet. I had that feeling I used to get as a high school student when the longer I was quiet in class, the harder it was to speak. I used to get red blotches on my neck just thinking about raising my hand to answer a question. But I digress a bit. I don't have red blotches this time; I just feel a little shy.

I created the above piece today when reflecting on where I've been these past two weeks. I do feel like I've been on an island -- a little island of grief. And just when I think I'm ready to leave my island, I slip off the edge and fall. I am still so curious how grief can come like a sudden landslide. I can feel fairly steady and then I'm flat on my face and sludging through mud. The little things seem to cause my fall. Last week when playing cards with my partner, I felt the loss of my dad so keenly I couldn't breathe. With cards fanned out in my hands, my body suddenly remembered the marathon games of "manipulation" I played with my dad. I didn't expect this memory to surface, and there I was falling again.

This Jane Kenyon poem reminds me of the the little things that can create mountains--or landslides--of emotion.

What Came to Me

I took the last
dusty piece of china
out of the barrel.
It was your gravy boat,
with a hard, brown
drop of gravy still
on the porcelain lip.
I grieved for you then
as I never had before.

Try this:
Think of the physical details of your life--household objects, jewelry, trinkets, stones, clothing, dishes, etc. Choose one you are energetically drawn to and write for 15 minutes about this object. What feelings does this object conjure for you? What big idea, feeling, or event does this small object carry for you? Allow yourself to feel whatever emerges as fully and deeply as you wish. And remember to breathe. Breath will calm you and reconnect you to your heart center.

Deep Loss

2008-08-16T11:45:00.000-07:00

I'd like to officially introduce you to someone. The picture above is my dad, Ed Putnam, who died this past Tuesday morning, August 12. He died at home (in the house he built) with his family around him. Some of you know about my dad's struggle with kidney cancer--a struggle which began in January of this year. It's been a tumultuous ride these past 7 months, and I find it hard to contain or even encapsulate the events of this year.

I will say, though, that my relationship with my father deepened during this time, and that my healing work kept me afloat in ways I am just starting to grasp. One dear client who knew of my struggles asked me during a session, "How do you care for other people and hear other people's problems when you have such big stuff going on in your own life?" It was such a good question. I surprised myself when I heard myself replying, "I find it very grounding and centering to give bodywork. I can tune into the relaxed breath of my clients and the sacred space I have created for healing." I also heard myself say something about the universal nature of suffering--that I can connect to the suffering of others (even small moments of suffering or discontent) while holding my own sadness about my father because it all comes from the same source. Suffering is suffering. Grief is grief. Loss is loss. The specific circumstances and degrees of intensity may differ, but I have a hard time ranking or categorizing these things. Until my client asked me her question, I hadn't realized that I truly felt this way.

So while I may be taking some time off right now to attend to my sadness and that of my family (I'll be back giving sessions again during the week of August 25), please know that when you come to see me it's okay to mention my loss (I know, it's hard to know what to say when someone has lost a loved one) and it's okay to focus on YOU during your session. Prior to each session I give, I create a safe space for you to relax, find relief, and heal. Rest assured that I will find my own time for my own healing (Olympus Spa here I come!). This time is for you and I am honored to witness whatever it is that you bring to your sessions.

I also want to mention that my posts here may be few and far between or very frequent with many philosophical musings about the nature of life and death, of healing and illness, and of finding inner peace. Right now I am reading Thich Nhat Hanh's No Death, No Fear, and I imagine many of his words will make their way to this blog as well.

peace and healing,

Courtney